Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sad!!!
I think today is the saddest day of my life... Knowing everything that I don't want to know at all... Trying so hard to stop everything from happening... But in the end, it still happened... I feel so helpless... The feeling of wanting to move a step forward but at the same time you will feel like taking two steps backwards because the hurt will be tremendous... It might be incurable... It might leave a deep scar in my heart which will never be cured...
He told me this, he told me that... I don't know what is the purpose... My heart is aching... My tears feel like dropping so much... How I wish I have full control in all these... I want to have a say although it is not my life at all... They always say that outsiders can see clearer... This time I am the outsider... I know it won't turn out well... I know it's not the right path... But then what can I do and say??? I have done and said everything I could...
I don't know when you will be wide awake and stop daydreaming... Stop deluding yourself... Age is never an issue... It is only an excuse... Excuse that even I find it amusing... Excuse that I will never ever accept it... If things were simpler, I will sacrifice myself to help you get out of this... But things are not...
This is not the ending that I want... If it were to happen in 2011, how am I supposed to face it alone??? Acting as though nothing really happened??? I can't do that... Extending my heartfelt congrats??? Impossible!!! Can someone tell me how to stop the heartache??? Or even worse how to be heartless and emotionless towards the whole happening???
Speaking from experience, it will only be hatred that can make me be heartless... But then again, I can't bring myself to do that... He never at any time treated me badly except for that one time...
I REALLY REALLY WANT TO STOP ALL THESE FROM HAPPENING!!!!
Shi Hui <3
