Friday, January 30, 2009
I came to realise a few things...
- The one closest to your heart no matter at what time and in what circumstances is always YOUR FAMILY...
- Never take things so seriously... A promise is just a promise... Do not put so much hope into it until it is being fulfilled...
- No one is worth being prioritised unless he/she has done something that can make you put him/her on your list...
- One should live for him/herself and not for anyone else because no one is worth your sacrifice except for those who are responsible to bring you into this world...
- Always have some benefit of doubt on EVERYTHING... Do not take everything at face value...
Shi Hui, get on with your life... Stop avoiding the reality... I know it's hard but it's not impossible... Nothing can bring you down...
You told me that you won't let me feel that I am alone during CNY... Have you ever said it or I made a mistake again??? I am pretty sure you assured me that... I choose to believe you that at the very least I still have you... But then, the one who who accompanied me the least is YOU!!! The busiest person is YOU!!!
I AM FEELING LONELIER THAN BEFORE!!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR... GONG XI FA CAI...
May this year will be a good year for everyone... I got this forwarded CNY sms from my sis... I will share it here...
Give you triple H in this CNY...
1st. Heng arrrr.... (Good luck)
2nd. Hock arrr... (Blissful)
3rd. Huat arrr... (Rich)
May this golden ox year brings all these wishes to you and your family...
I guess everyone hope for all these 3 H in their new year...
By the way, , I have gotten over everything from the previos posts... I am fine now... Thanks for the support and advice... :D:D:D
Happy Chinese Niu Year!!! :P
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
You are the one who let me know how heaven feels like... Please please please don't send me to hell...
Everything wasn't like that previously... It has changed into a situation that I myself find it so unfamiliar... Having difficulty to adapt to it... I have no idea when you are showering me with lots of love, care and concern and at the same time anticipating when are you going to lose my temper at me again... What's the real problem??? Communication problem??? Unresolved internal conflicts that none of us wish to mention it...
Yesterday's disappointment is due to my complicated mindset... I think too much and being too calculative in everything... Sorry... I can no longer be so truthful in front of you anymore... Every single truth that I said is only me being unreasonable at the end of the day... Since you no longer understand what is in my mind, I have the right to keep my own feelings to myself...
I really have to revert to my old simple thinking... Not to harbour much thought... Love aint a perfect picture at all... If you look clearer, there are still flaws all over... It was my mistake to have the thought that it is flawless... I am wrong again... How many times have I gone wrong??? Countless it seems... Blame it on my stupidity... Blame it on me being too trusting again...
But I really wanted to know, "How come this time you don't seem to understand my feeling at all???" I thought you are so sensitive... Can't you sense that I am not fine at all??? Can't you sense that I am not happy at all??? Can't you sense that I am suffering in silence because this time around, nobody bothers about me... The more I cry, the more I get angry, the more unreasonable I am in your eyes... How come you never understand me at this moment when I needed someone really really badly??? Why did I think so much??? I have so many uncertainties now...
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE UNDERSTAND MY FEELING AT THIS MOMENT???
You promised me that I won't feel lonely on CNY... Yet, I have been crying alone since CNY eve... Promise is merely a simple sentence plus the word "I promise"... Indeed I have the most memorable and invaluable CNY in Bristol... Never ever will I forget this CNY...
Shi Hui, I think you can really wake up from your dream... Fairy tales do not exist in real life...
Monday, January 26, 2009
"HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, SHI HUI... :D:D:D"
It's just 5 minutes past 12am in Bristol and tears are flooding my table again... It's the first day of Chinese New Year in Bristol... I have finally managed to pacify myself that this is the way it should be.. Trying my very best to make do with whatever I have here to have the feel of Chinese New Year... And with the very very naive, silly and
STUPID thought of wanting dear to be the first from Malaysia to wish me Happy CNY according to the UK time... But I have no idea of what is he rushing with that made him does not even have one minute to spare for me... Each and every disappointment, I can take it in my own stride... But this time around, I am really really disappointed... Am I being demanding and unreasonable again??? I think I am again...
I always thought you are the one who can accommodate me all the time, who understand me in every single situation, who know what is exactly in my mind... BUT I SEEM TO BE TOTALLY WRONG AGAIN!!! Can someone tell me what is really right and what is really wrong??? Don't make me clueless all the time... Things have been so so wrong lately... I hate this feeling... The feeling of not being understood... The feeling of not being appreciated anymore... Enough is enough... I will have to make do with whatever is given to me again... The feeling of falling down from the moon is really painful... Maybe it's because I have been over the moon for quite some time...
If you were to treat me in this way now, why bother treating me like princess before this??? It causes me more pain and effort to revert back to normal life... Being treated at two different extremes by the same person
HURTS...
I MISS PA, MUMMY, JIE, HAN, MEK AND WEI!!! I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!! At the very least, everyone back home will spare some time listening to me no matter how meaningless my speeches are going to be...
I JUST REQUEST TO BE HEARD OF...
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I HATE YOU!!!You are such a crap that has been interrupting and disturbing people's life... Get on with your life and stop pestering and disturbing others... Don't you have a daughter to take care of??? Stop thinking about coming to Muar or having holidays in Genting... No one will ever ever entertain you and there's no place for you to stay overnight... Stop hoping that there's someone who will miss you... You are not even in the queue... He's merely your FRIEND... Or should I stress VERY VERY VERY NORMAL FRIEND??? He has no obligations towards you... Not now, not even in future... You better make yourself scarce as soon as possible... I don't want to know of your existence when I am back in Malaysia!!!
I HATE YOU!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I am not in the mood for anything... Assignments, presentations and even CNY... I am numb... I am defeated again by pressure... It's the worst hit ever this time around... Even I find myself amusing, ridiculous, unreasonable, irrational and out of control... What is flowing in my mind is not what I want it to be in my head... I caused so much trouble, suffering and agony to myself and worst of all those people who love me... Isn's that funny???
Shi Hui, I really despise you this time... Sorry everyone... I broke my promise that there won't be any sad post... But time and situation do not permit me to keep my promise this time... I tried so much so much but I failed miserably in certain things... I put in so much effort but then the results is not what I desired... Does that mean I have to put in extra effort??? Or everything will be fine if I behave the way I should behave??? I would prefer the latter...
Am I on the verge of depression??? If I am not mistaken, I have been crying almost everyday for the past two weeks... On average, once a day or sometimes even twice a day... Tears have become uncontrollable or even free flow... It rolls down without signal...
I know it's due to the pressure from test, presentations and assignment deadlines... With all these clashing with my CNY mood, I am really not in the mood at all... My first CNY without family is celebrated in such a pathetic way... Even I sympathise myself now... I am feeling really homesick now... I can sacrifice my 13 hours but there's no way that I can reach Malaysia... The feeling is really terrible... This is so unlike me... I won't be anticipating CNY with teary eyes... I am always the very very excited one when it comes to CNY... But CNY in Bristol??? Never ever going to happen in my life for the second time... Once is more than enough for me...
I have been brushing off the thought that I am not homesick at all... But again I am wrong... The more I choose to ignore the feeling, the more I can't take it... I have been telling myself times and times again that I am mentally prepared to have CNY without family members around before I came here... Isn't that the case??? Yes, it is... But as CNY is really approaching, there is no way to pacify me anymore... Even I myself run out of ideas and excuses to deceive myself... Only hippo will be with me during lonely nights...
I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!! I MISS GONG, WAI PO, PA, MUMMY, DA JIE, HAN, MEK, WEI AND DEAR!!! I MISS MICHELLE, BOO, CHEW, CHARELI, CHIAU WEI, YI LING, MAY JOAN, HWEE LE, AI RIN, EE THENG, MICHELLE LEE, VI VIAN, EUNICE, KAREN, CI PEI, CHAN AND PHYLIS!!! I MISS CALVIN, WEE MENG, DANIEL, WILLIAM AND WENG KIEN!!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Guess what... This is the 100th post in Blur Nag... Woohoo... Worth celebrating... It strengthens a point that Shi Hui can really nag... Hahahaha... Or else this blog will not be named Blur Nag... The name tells everything... Happy 100th Post... Hehe... Enough of that... I have something to nag about...
How different girls can differ in their thinking... One of my friends told me this yesterday... As sweet and simple as this...
"我只希望能找到一个我爱他，他也爱我的人..."She added on by saying...
"I never thought of where should I be or stay?"Owhhh... How sweet the feeling is... She must be deeply in love with the guy she is now... Indeed she made me ponder on my so-called dreams for a moment... She made me question on my priorities in life... She made me question on what do I really want and need...
She has really grown up... With those naive, simple and innocent thoughts, she is more than contented with what she has now... Simple is indeed a happiness by itself... I learnt that yesterday... :D:D:D
"不要一直在 钻牛角尖，听听自己内心深处的声音如果自己真的有努力过、争取过就算是失败也不用后悔"Listen to the voice of your heart... Don't let it be unheard... Cheers...
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Gosh... Oh no... Hunter is missing!!!! Someone actually abducted it from dear's house... Poor dear... Poor Hunter... Hopefully she is safe and sound... It will be even better if she will be able to come back again... :(:(:(
HUNTER, WHERE ARE YOU???!!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
I received a comment from Ai Rin today saying those recent posts in Blur Nag does not sound nice at all... I admit that it was because so many things happened lately... There were more tears than laughter... Bad things happen one after another... When I just managed to convince myself over this matter, another matter happened... I seriously have no idea what is wrong... Must be the fengshui problem... Hahaha...
Things are not as perfect as you guys perceive it to be... I might be indulging in my pool of honey but no doubt there were some minor disagreement between 小气鬼 and I... There are times when he pissed me off... There are times when I raise my voice at him... Hahaha... Guess that's part and parcel of life... No overnight hatred what... Everything's fine now... :P
No more sad posts for the time being... Promise... By the way, my Blur Nag will be having its 100th post soon... Kindly check it out... The 100th post will be up anytime... Woohoo...
Well... Let me introduce my
Dear to everyone... My new companion in Bristol... The first toy I bought for myself in my life... Hahaha...
Name : Dear
Sex : Male
My new hippo that I bought while buying groceries today at Sainsbury's... Cute enough??? Innocent enough??? I am falling in love with him at this moment... Wakaka...
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Third blog post of the day... I am mad... Wakaka... Must be due to the absence of me in Blogger for the past few days that made me so enthusiastic on updating my blog today... I am simply in the best of mood... The kind of feelings that can made me smile alone for no apparent reason... Don't laugh... This is the feeling of happiness from the bottom of my heart...
Although there are some hiccups today, great things far far outweigh the bad things... Afterall, the bad things weren't that bad either... Minor hiccup such as waking up 30minutes later than I am supposed to and forgetting my keys... Luckily the alarm that I set is actually way too early... 30minutes late is not that bad still... Blur syndrome is acting up again??? NO WAY!!!
I am going to move to good things... Early in the morning, got to know dear's car loan has been approved... Woohoo... Even got the car plate number... Hopefully the whole episode is over... Awaiting the launching of the new episode... Hahaha... Then happily I went for the test... Test was so so... Talked to mummy... I am really looking forward to the content of my next parcel... Got grandma's shrimp sambal... The thought of it made me want to drool... Then then then... Posted out a card today... Hahaha... Met a good guy today who gave me a box at the post office when I have already plan to buy one... Save me a few pounds...
Wait... I start to wonder what is the root of my today's happiness??? This is so unlike me... I have not been so happy for quite some time... Anyway, I'm loving this feeling right now... :D:D:D
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Why??? Why??? Why??? Things are not as smoothly as I thought it will be... How much more do you have to endure before good things really come to you??? In less than a month time, mishap befalls you one after another...
I hate to be one of the last one to know whenever things happened... I hate to know something happened to you... So please please please don't let anything happen to you anymore... I have no idea how much more I can take... I might have heart attack because of you one day... Unexpected things can really happen when you least expect it...
I really have to believe everything you said... You used to tell me that many many things can happen in a year time... I chose to rule it out and believe that everything will remain the same when I am back after a year... But time proves to me that I am wrong again... In only 4 months time, so many things happened... Or should I say so many things can happen in 3 weeks time... What will happen next in the coming 6-7 months??? Can I ask for all the good things??? Please...
Friday, January 09, 2009
You always left me CLUELESS!!!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Things are not right at all since two weeks ago... Yet I was kept in the dark... Maybe I was too ignorant... Now two weeks have passed and I was made known that things were not right at all... I seriously need time to digest all these... I can't accept so much at one shot without being mentally prepared at all...
This time I am really left to be independent... Not even 小气鬼can help me... I am helpless... I am clueless... All these while, whenever anything happened, I can always rely on him... Now I am left all alone figuring out how to overcome this... I know what I need to do... But how??? Just like an old man being taken away his walking stick... He knows he has to walk but how to walk???
Unless I do something, or else things will remain unchanged... I can even wash my face using my tears and there are still excess to it... How dumb I can be??? Can I be any dumber??? How stupid can I be??? Can I be even more stupid??? Of course I can because I am capable of nothing... Things have been so easy all the time... I never grow up... I never learn how to survive outside my comfort zone... Now when the comfort zone is being wrecked, I don't even have any idea on how to breathe...
Aren't I simple enough??? I cry when I am sad... I laugh when I am happy... I am too emotional sometimes, I admit... You cry, I will follow you cry... You laugh, I will laugh with you... Tell me, how not to cry when you are crying??? Last time, things were not like this... Until now, when you can't suppress anymore of your bad mood, you don't allow me to cry with you but expect me to smile... I really really don't know how to smile anymore...
Dear, can I beg you to get out of this??? Please...
Monday, January 05, 2009
最近超喜欢这首歌... 叮噹的
"猜不透"... 真的是很好很好听... 最后一句真的是很有意思...
"越是在乎的人越是猜不透..."在乎 = 关心 = 爱.... 一个人在呼你的时候就会把你的事都变成他的事... 什么都帮你想, 帮你解决... 当他的脑有这么多事, 当然就越猜不透了...
但是, 如果有用心, 都知道对方心里在想什么... 这一点我就到现在都还学不会... :(:(:(
Saturday, January 03, 2009
为什么??? 为什么??? 为什么??? 小气鬼讲的话从来没有错过... 四年前, 他说...
"人有异性,就没人性了..."时间证明了不管是小气鬼, 爸爸或Mummy说的都是对的... 上个月我还在说着我快要矢去一位朋友... 看来已经发生了... 还好我已经准备好了... 哈哈... 没有那么矢望... 不然又会下雨了.... 看来异性还是胜过友情... 这次的我又再一次败给小起鬼的话了... :D:D:D
又学会了一件事... Stubborn的我还真的许要自己体验到了才肯接受...
Woohoo... Got a good news from my sis just now when I called back home... My eldest cousin brother has got a girlfriend... Indeed a good news in this new year... He is such a shy and quiet guy... Honest looking... Happy happy for him... Hopefully in a few years time, the wedding bells are going to ring again... Congrats congrats... :D:D:D
Friday, January 02, 2009
爸爸都会说:-
"天变, 人变..."每一次他说完, 我就会笑... 我还会说那里可能...
Mummy会说爸爸讲的都对... 天变我可以明白... 人跟着天变??? 太恐怖了啦... 爸爸的人变是人变坏嘞...
但是人真的是会为了自己的利益对别人不好... 来到这里看到很多了... Michelle说有些人故意让你知道某些事是有目的的... 目的是什么??? 不知道... 小气鬼每次都会说, 朋友不只是朋友... 有些朋友还真的是纯粹是
朋友而已... 唉... 不听老人言, 吃亏在眼前...
Moral of the story : Stubborn只可以用在对的地方...
Thursday, January 01, 2009
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!
New year, new resolution and new attitude... Hehe... Must at least have one entry on 1 January 2009... Here are a few of my resolutions in this 2009...
1. Put in my very best in my last semester... If possible, graduate with first class honours... :P I really have to work harder... Find a job in this bad economy now...
2. Stop shopping and spending so much... Money is difficult to earn, I know... But I want endless bags and clothes... :(:(:(
3. Do not eat so much... Do not think of food so much... I don't want to be a balloon when I am back... But eating is a blessing... Sigh~~~
4. Stay happy all the time... I know I can do that...
5. Last but not least, going back to Malaysia... I miss my pa, mummy, jie, han, mek, wei and dear... Hahaha...
The above four will need my hard work and effort... Need to have good self-discipline... Because there are debates to them... There will be struggle for sure as to which side of Shi Hui I should listen to... As for the last, it will happen for sure... Hahaha... Because... I WILL BE COMING BACK TO MALAYSIA FOR SURE!!! IT'S A PROMISE!!! I even got my air ticket booked before I left... Wakaka...
Till then... Cheers to 2oo9... Have a great and happy year ahead... Muacksss... :D:D:D
