Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sad!!!
I think today is the saddest day of my life... Knowing everything that I don't want to know at all... Trying so hard to stop everything from happening... But in the end, it still happened... I feel so helpless... The feeling of wanting to move a step forward but at the same time you will feel like taking two steps backwards because the hurt will be tremendous... It might be incurable... It might leave a deep scar in my heart which will never be cured...
He told me this, he told me that... I don't know what is the purpose... My heart is aching... My tears feel like dropping so much... How I wish I have full control in all these... I want to have a say although it is not my life at all... They always say that outsiders can see clearer... This time I am the outsider... I know it won't turn out well... I know it's not the right path... But then what can I do and say??? I have done and said everything I could...
I don't know when you will be wide awake and stop daydreaming... Stop deluding yourself... Age is never an issue... It is only an excuse... Excuse that even I find it amusing... Excuse that I will never ever accept it... If things were simpler, I will sacrifice myself to help you get out of this... But things are not...
This is not the ending that I want... If it were to happen in 2011, how am I supposed to face it alone??? Acting as though nothing really happened??? I can't do that... Extending my heartfelt congrats??? Impossible!!! Can someone tell me how to stop the heartache??? Or even worse how to be heartless and emotionless towards the whole happening???
Speaking from experience, it will only be hatred that can make me be heartless... But then again, I can't bring myself to do that... He never at any time treated me badly except for that one time...
I REALLY REALLY WANT TO STOP ALL THESE FROM HAPPENING!!!!
Shi Hui <3
Saturday, August 15, 2009
The truth...
The so-called best decision for me has been revealed after much coercion... It was not an easy night... But then the truth turned out to be another pack of lies... Your betrayal, your lies and your everything... Everything turned out to be something that I dread of listening... Something that I always thought that it will never ever happened again...
But why???!!! It happened again and again... You promised... You assured me it will not happen... But you allow it to happen again... Everything is covered so easily with your excuses and your avoidance... Once again, I am such a failure... I turned out to be a fool again... True... You deserve more than a slap from me... You deserve more than a scolding from me... But then your words really made me speechless... Your explantion made me not knowing how to react... It only brings tears to my face again...
I have so many things to say... I wanted to see you so much just to let you know how much I missed you... But you robbed me of the opportunity... You chose the path that I won't even give you my blessings.... You chose the wrong person to share your happiness... I am left with another regret in my life...
History seems to be repeating itself time and time again... Even God is playing a fool on me... How funny it can be... At the end of the day, if none of us gained happiness, whose fault would it be??? Or am I only the one who won't be able to gain happiness because I can't let go...
Shi Hui <3
Malaysia...
Hello folks... I am back in Malaysia... Hahahaha... And this is the 3rd week I am back in Malaysia... Malaysia has been so so so bad... With the H1N1 case on the rise, bad haze and even stupid hot weather, I am missing Bristol now... At the very least, I am not worried about H1N1 virus there although the cases in UK are like 100 times more than in Malaysia... Bristol has no haze... I breathe in fresh air every morning... Unlike here, I might choke to death very very soon... And and and I sweat all the time here... Sigh...
Up till now, I have not tasted all the food that I have been craving ever since I am in Bristol... Reason being is I am on diet... Everyone commented that I have gained weight... It's true... I am so so so fat now... Gong, wai po, mei yi, papa, mummy, aunties, uncles, friends... Everyone said that I am fat... For the time being, no sweet stuff... There goes my cakes, ice creams and chocolates... I want mousse cake... I want chocolate indulgence... I want J.Co Donuts... Another sigh...
I have not met up with everyone... I have not met up with all my boys and girls... Faster faster come back... Yerrrrrr... Sigh... And I am missing my darlings back in Bristol... =S
Shi Hui <3
