Thursday, March 12, 2009

Arghhh... It all went back to square one... It's the feeling that I had when I first arrived Bristol... Aimless and emptiness... Last 3 weeks when I was so busy for assignments, I long for the arrival of 9th March... But now, after I handed in my last assignment, I have the sudden feel that I have nothing to do everyday...

Every morning, I woke up to attend classes as usual... After class, there will be nothing else in my head... Head back home without knowing what to do next... Cooked lunch... Staring at the laptop blankly... Signed in my MSN... Checked my inbox... Checked my blogs... Checked my Facebook, Friendster, Plurk... Read The Star... Read blogs... Whatever that can be done will take the most 3 hours of my time... What's next??? NOTHING BUT BOREDOM... I hate hate hate hate this kind of feeling...

True... For the time being, I am having no direction... Maybe people will be suggesting why don't I start on my revision... But please, I need a break from all these for a while... How I wish for a call from pa... How I wish for a nagging from mummy... How I wish for being bullied by my sisters... How I wish for being asked thousand and one questions from wai po... How I wish of listening to the same things over and over again from wai gong...

How I wish for some comfort and words of encouragement in a positive way... Torturing me but in the end, it's said for my own good... Even if I have to go through the same feeling back in Malaysia, I am sure things will be way better back there... At the very least, no matter what happen, my comfort zone is still there...

On the other hand, I seem to deserve everything on Earth besides the love from someone special... I have wai gong, wai po, pa, mummy, da jie, han, mek and wei who love me so much... I have a whole group of friends who love me a lot as well... But how come you have to destroy it when I thought I have found another person to love me... Is is the time for me to stop being so persistent for a moment in exchange of my happiness??? By the way, those things that I predicted few posts back has all been realised...

Another tearful post... The feeling just came when I am typing this post... Out of control again... Sorry... Ignore me... This post is not organised at all... The points are not linked and everywhere... This is how messy my memory capacity now... Imagine an overloaded brain with an empty heart... What is the feeling??? Can I call back home and cry??? Sometimes I wish but there is no way I am going to let this happen because everyone will be so worried about me... I lost the someone whom I can cry in front of as and when I like it...