Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Everything wasn't like that previously... It has changed into a situation that I myself find it so unfamiliar... Having difficulty to adapt to it... I have no idea when you are showering me with lots of love, care and concern and at the same time anticipating when are you going to lose my temper at me again... What's the real problem??? Communication problem??? Unresolved internal conflicts that none of us wish to mention it...

Yesterday's disappointment is due to my complicated mindset... I think too much and being too calculative in everything... Sorry... I can no longer be so truthful in front of you anymore... Every single truth that I said is only me being unreasonable at the end of the day... Since you no longer understand what is in my mind, I have the right to keep my own feelings to myself...

I really have to revert to my old simple thinking... Not to harbour much thought... Love aint a perfect picture at all... If you look clearer, there are still flaws all over... It was my mistake to have the thought that it is flawless... I am wrong again... How many times have I gone wrong??? Countless it seems... Blame it on my stupidity... Blame it on me being too trusting again...

But I really wanted to know, "How come this time you don't seem to understand my feeling at all???" I thought you are so sensitive... Can't you sense that I am not fine at all??? Can't you sense that I am not happy at all??? Can't you sense that I am suffering in silence because this time around, nobody bothers about me... The more I cry, the more I get angry, the more unreasonable I am in your eyes... How come you never understand me at this moment when I needed someone really really badly??? Why did I think so much??? I have so many uncertainties now...

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE UNDERSTAND MY FEELING AT THIS MOMENT???

You promised me that I won't feel lonely on CNY... Yet, I have been crying alone since CNY eve... Promise is merely a simple sentence plus the word "I promise"... Indeed I have the most memorable and invaluable CNY in Bristol... Never ever will I forget this CNY...

Shi Hui, I think you can really wake up from your dream... Fairy tales do not exist in real life...