BŁũŖ ŊāĠ®

Happy Tiger Year,,,

2010-02-27T15:01:00.003+08:00

Woohoo... It has been really really a while since I last updated this blog of mine... Okok... I admit that I am getting lazier and lazier... *slap myself*

Before I forget, Happy Chinese New Year to everyone... Today is already the 14th day of Chinese New Year... Phewwww... How time flies... The first day of Chinese New Year coincides with the Western Valentine's Day and the last day of Chinese New Year, as usual is the Chinese Valentine's Day... Hahahaha... It's indeed a year to remember... =) I am so glad that I am able to celebrate Chinese New Year this time around unlike last year...

Of course this year, it was full of anticipation and excited... I came back to Muar on Thursday night and even taken 3 and a half day leave to fully enjoy the celebration this time around... Hahahaha... Whatever you want to say it... I am exaggerating... I am being lazy... I simply love CNY... Weeeeeee...

To summarise the whole CNY, I lose money during gambling although I have been playing very very little as compared to the previous years... I went to more places than the previous years which I enjoyed a lot as people nowadays don't really visit people's houses that much... I ate a lot of course... Cookies is something that I will never say no... Hahahaha... The end result, a fatter me...

This time around, my family went to have photo shooting as well... Hahaha... A very nice experience... I love the feeling... Told mummy that we should do that every year... =P

Overall, the good things far far outweigh the bad things that happened during CNY... Thanks for the company, thanks for everything and everything... What seems impossible to me is made possible by you guys... Love you guys to the max... =*

Shi Hui <3

Friends...

2010-01-17T22:54:00.004+08:00

Well, I have a sudden thought of blogging because I am feeling so awful now... I saw some pictures in Facebook just now and I am feeling extremely sad... I don't know why... It is a feeling that I can't put into words...

Michelle gave me a book entitled "Good Friends" today... The book has so many interesting quotes in it which made me really love it... And because of that book, I have been having so many deep thoughts today... Am I the one who has so much expectation in my friends or they are those who disappoint me again and again??? I have been asking myself thousand and one whys??? In what way do I deserve this??? I simply don't...

I may be very useful in some ways but that is not the way to be treated... I am a human with flesh and blood... Not something that can be chucked aside after using... My heart can feel the pain... I told one of my friends the other day that friends can actually be filtered... What's left are those that are worth to be your friends... He replied me telling me that it sounds so cruel to filter friends...

But which is more cruel??? To be disappointed by them again and again??? Or to suffer the pain once and for all??? I choose the latter because one deep stab is better than stabbing the same place after the first stab has just healed... I am not going to say that I dislike them but then I won't take the initiative to do small little things for them because they are simply not worth my time and effort...

Today, you made my tears rolled... I am fine with it... But then, there won't be the second time because you are simply not worth it... It's not the end, but then it's not going to go any further than this...

Out of It!!!

2009-12-20T16:43:00.002+08:00

I have not been updating my post with my deep thought lately... Reasons being, I have no time for deep thoughts... Hahahaha...

October - I have no idea what I have been busy with... Maybe with my Europe trip preparation... There are so many things to buy and prepare... Busy busy busy...

November - I am away from Malaysia for 19days... Had my convocation in Bristol... Traveled to part of the world... The most memorable month of my life...

December - I moved to Singapore and started my working life... It's another chapter of my life...

In the midst of everything, of course I still have my usual yumcha session... Crapping and talking nonsense are part of my life... Hahahaha... Looking at my schedule, I seriously have no time to bother about other stuff which is not related to me at all... Even my naive, silly and stupid thoughts are washed away as time passed... I am feeling so relieved as time passes each day... I'll just wait and see what God has in his hands for me... No point being stubborn or hanging onto something or someone which or who doesn't belong to you at all... I learnt this...

My mind are clear... I am awake... I know what is best for me... I know who is good to me... I know what is my next step... My plan is organised... Everything is going the way I want it to be... 2009 has been the best year for me... There are simply so many things that made me grow up even more... I strongly believe Shi Hui has grown up a little bit more as compared to last time... =)

Shi Hui <3

It's a Little Bit Too Fast...

2009-12-20T16:30:00.002+08:00

Just a day after I have been complaining about my unemployed and meaningless life in Blur Nag, I received a call from Yong Fan Kiong & Co. asking me to attend an interview at 3pm... After taking down the address, I googled the direction to find out where should I alight from the MRT... Had my shower, breakfast and off I go for the interview...

When I reached the office, I filled up the form provided and I went into Ms. Yong's room... She is the one who called me earlier in the morning... I was so nervous as it was my first job interview... I seriously have no idea what should I expect from it... After she posed me a few questions about my qualification background, she started to give me a question on currency exchange... She asked me about the journal entries... Phew... My heart nearly jumped out... I was so stunned as it has been ages since I deal with double entry... Moreover, this has to do with exchange gain/loss... Lady luck was with me I guess... I knew how to answer it... Hahhahaha... What a relief... She then inform me that I have to go through another interview with the manager in charge of me... I was cursing inside of me... @#$%^&*

After a while, she came back into the room and told me that it is not necessary to go for the second interview... She said, "We'll just hire you"... I was soooooooooo happy!!! She even asked me to come for work the next day... I just agreed as I have nothing to do staying at home...

Tomorrow will be my 3rd week of work... Time flies... Colleagues have been nice... Much much better than the firm I used to have my attachment... Work has been fine as there are people to ask when I am faced with any problem...

BUT BUT BUT... There is a very weird rules in my office... All the girls are supposed to wear skirt to work everyday... This is something which I have never heard before... And now, I am in skirt everyday to office... Typical OL... Hahahaha... Anyway, I guess this is working life... I still need some time to adjust to it... But till now, I have no complaints as this is the route I have chosen...

Shi Hui <3

Life...

2009-12-07T20:24:00.002+08:00

I guess I have been enjoying myself ever since the day I handed in my last paper... From end of May up till now... Visited Birmingham in July, Penang in September and Europe in November... And now I am in Singapore looking for my first full-time permanent job...

Everything seems to go so well according to my plan but I am not happy at all... Is it because of the pressure given by everyone around me or because of the expectation I have in myself??? It has been some time since I last feel so stressful... Everyone has been asking me the same question every time I see them... "Have you managed to find a job???"... The usual reply was a smile and a simple NO... I am more anxious than anyone else in finding job... But what can I do when I get no reply at all???

I left everything again in Malaysia... My family, my friends and the usual crap gang... And again I am in an island which is so foreign to me... I have not been to Singapore for more than a decade... But I am glad to have Jojo as housemate... However, life here reminds me so much of the life I had in Bristol...

Indeed this new phase of life of mine is not as smooth sailing as I thought it will be... So what you have a degree... Everyone has it...

Shi Hui <3

Why???!!!!

2009-10-18T23:45:00.003+08:00

I have been asked umpteen times... Why are you emo??? What are the source of your emo??? Who made me emo???

I admit that I am feeling emo all the time... So many things happened at one go... I can hardly have a chance to let out a big SIGH!!! How I wish I can say everything out when you guys asked... But then I have my reservations... Up till now, I have no idea whether this can be tell to others or not... That's one of the reasons that made me so down... There is one person who I feel is the best candidate to know about this, but then after second thought, I am not sure whether I should let him know about this or not... This leaves me so frustrated... The thought of saying it or not...

My mind has been flooded with the news everyday... Latest news come in day by day... The matter is getting more and more serious... I feel so helpless... I don't know which party should take the blame because no one seems to be wrong... It's just that anger complicates matter...

Moving on to another matter... I thought I have already repeated myself many many times that I wish to wash my hands off the matter... But why again and again, I am made aware of the situation... I always have the first hand news... I don't wish to have any knowledge about all these... It does not concern me at all... Other people view it as showing off... But I stand too near that I have no idea how am I supposed to analyse and view the whole situation...

I have so many things to say... I simply need a pair of suitable ears... I need a shoulder to cry on as well... I have a sudden thought that tai ma is no longer blessing us this time around... If she is, how come it's in a mess now??? No one wanted it to be in this way... Or it's a challenge that she wants us to go through???

.........

2009-10-13T22:33:00.003+08:00

Michelle commented that I have been having many deep thoughts ever since I came back from Bristol...

I admit I have more thoughts as compared to the previous time... Last time, I only have to listen to solutions... Now I have to come out with my own solutions... Yes, I did try to solve the problem but most of the time, things just do not favour me at all... My solutions do not work at all... Consequently, I regretted my action and decision... What's next??? There is no one to turn to at all...

I still have many many questions which are left unanswered... Someone used to say that I have a brain but I always use it at the wrong place... Whenever it's the right time for me to apply my intelligence, I simply refused... I don't know why... I just chucked in my full level of stubbornness all the time... I know it won't solve any problem...

I always think that I can change someday... Or I am merely consoling myself??? I am not tougher at all at the end of the day, but instead even more fragile... I thought I am independent enough... But I am not again... I need other people by my side more even if it's just for a chat because being alone is too scary... I thought I will have less tears because I feel that I have gone through the worst... But it's not the case again... Tears roll for no reason... I thought I can get rid of the habit one fine day... But when will that day come??? I can't wait for that day to arrive!!!

Calvin asked me not to update my blog with emo posts as it will affect others...

I apologize to every reader if my blog has been affecting you in any way... But this is the most comfortable channel for me to voice out everything... So, don't rob me of the this way of making myself better and less emo... At the very least, I tried to make myself better...

I am starting to accept the fact that I am selfish and stubborn... Will elaborate more in my next post...

Happy ending...

2009-10-05T22:49:00.005+08:00

The situation is getting more and more obvious and awkward... Even I myself am running out of ideas on how am I supposed to avoid the situation... Running out of topics when meeting each other... The awkwardness when facing each other... I wonder whether I am the only one feeling this way or maybe the other party feels it too...

We used to have so much to chat about... But thinking back... All those stuff can be categorized under the same topic... Hence, it falls back to square one... We were actually chatting the same old stuff since day one... I am the silly one again this time thinking that we were more than just friends... I was already told that things will never turn out the way I want it to be... But then I choose to think that things will work out just because I have the faith... But then I was defeated again...

True... I feel the pain... I am disappointed... To the extent of very very disappointed but what can I do and say??? Echo told me before... XQG told me before... I never listen... I thought I can take it all in my stride... But the truth is I could not at all... How stubborn human nature can be...

On the other hand, the choice of letting go is the best decision I have ever made for myself in my entire life... The decision hurts me more than a little, but I am very confident that the wound will heal one day... No doubt that this decision is influenced by many external factors and parties... I am sure that it is a decision that many people will feel happy for me... I know I might be the only one feeling sad over the decision but as long as those who loves me are happy, it's totally worth it...

I am the losing party in the end but it's a happy ending... I will get over it one fine day... =)

Him...

2009-09-26T00:19:00.002+08:00

I finally talked to him again after not talking for like don't know how many years... Five years if I am not mistaken... Thanks to another person who initiated the conversation... It was great... I mean even though it was only a simple hi, it means a lot to me... At the very least, he is doing good... That's the best news I guess... The rest are no longer important... Whatever anger or dissatisfaction, just let it pass as the time goes by... There is no point remembering it because I have no idea when will be the next time I will say another hi to him...

Hmmmm... I saw him while driving today... I assume that he didn't see me... Or perhaps he wished that I was not reversing my car in front of his car... Or maybe I should not have driven right in front of his car... I was still thinking the other day when will I be seeing him on the road since I am driving most of the time... And indeed my dream came true... It does not last long but at the very least, it's a dream comes true... Guess lady luck will be following me soon... Hehe...

Messy...

2009-09-24T23:29:00.002+08:00

Mummy said that, no one can tell that you are silly from your face... But then, when it comes to certain thing, I think my IQ is less than 0... I am totally brainless, idiotic. stupid and whatever you can name it... To put it in nicer word, maybe you can say that I am soft-hearted...

Seriously speaking, I have no idea how long it will take me to get over the whole episode... I find it so hard to let go... He used to tell me that I can throw all my worries towards him and hence I am left with no worries... He used to tell me that no matter what happened, he will always be there for me... But then, he prepared me for the worst... He left me to fend for myself... He told me that it was for my own good... I concluded that he is selfish and cruel simply because it was a pack of lies and excuses... I forgive him in the end... But WHY???

My heart told me to do so... I hate someone so much and I know it is tiring... I don't wish to add another person into the list... I don't want to hate him... But there is only a line separating hatred and love... If there's no hatred involved, I can't deny that there's no love involved... But is that love??? Or it's only a habit...

He was given the third chance but then everything changes after I am back from Bristol... Sometimes I wonder whether I am the one who has changed or the other way round... Perhaps knowing something that I could never get the truth made me extra cautious when dealing with him... I can make him promise me everything but then I can't make myself obey his one and only request...

I don't blame him for saying that I am stubborn because I admit I am... I was the one who called the shot this time... I was the one who started the mess... I was the one who put an end to it as well... Does it consider quits??? I have no idea on that... What I know now is everything seems to be so perfect on the surface but then it is in fact in a huge mess... Sigh...

Again...

2009-09-11T01:20:00.003+08:00

I saw him again today... As usual, I am the one who lost control simply because I missed him too much... I want to see him but everytime I see him, things changed again because he is no longer mine... Seeing him standing right in front of me telling me stuff about other people can really drive me nuts...

Sleepless nights... Teary eyes... Telling stuff that should not be exposed indicates that all my little ego has gone... Nothing left... I was so proud the other time... Telling myself that my tears will never drop because of him... But then today is the second time...

I want so so so much to say that "I HATE YOU" just like what I did before... But I love him more than I can say that to him... I made myself suffer again just to protect him... I always think that I love myself more than anything else... But then there are exception... There are 3 guys that can make me listen to them no matter what... And it so happened that he is one of them...

I am so surprised that I am defeated to the ground this time... Totally defeated... Simply because of my ego... I think I am really mad...

Update...

2009-09-09T01:03:00.003+08:00

Hello folks... I am back in Muar for almost two months... Did not manage to shed any kg... Depressed... Sigh... How am I supposed to resist when there are varieties of food in Muar... How am I supposed not to eat mummy's cooking... Sigh...

Just came back from Penang on Sunday... Went there with Adrian, Calvin and Phylis... The self-declared F4 is in action again... Hahahaha... Had a great time there... It has been so many years since I went on holidays with my friends... Met up with Ee Theng there... Time may be short for this trip, but I am sure that everyone enjoyed themselves...

Another happy thing to highlight is the return of my darling from US... She is none other than Muhe... I have not seen her for almost 2 years... And she is back in Malaysia for 1 month yet I have no idea about it... Sigh... So much so for calling her darling...

There is another thing that I have no idea where should I categorise it... When I opened up my drawer in the room, I found a CD and some postcards... I have no idea what am I supposed to do with it... The best way out is to throw it again... But after sitting there for a while, I put everything back into the drawer and put it below everything in the drawer... I just don't wish to see those things when I open the drawer the next time...

Shi Hui <3

Sad!!!

2009-08-22T02:30:00.005+08:00

I think today is the saddest day of my life... Knowing everything that I don't want to know at all... Trying so hard to stop everything from happening... But in the end, it still happened... I feel so helpless... The feeling of wanting to move a step forward but at the same time you will feel like taking two steps backwards because the hurt will be tremendous... It might be incurable... It might leave a deep scar in my heart which will never be cured...

He told me this, he told me that... I don't know what is the purpose... My heart is aching... My tears feel like dropping so much... How I wish I have full control in all these... I want to have a say although it is not my life at all... They always say that outsiders can see clearer... This time I am the outsider... I know it won't turn out well... I know it's not the right path... But then what can I do and say??? I have done and said everything I could...

I don't know when you will be wide awake and stop daydreaming... Stop deluding yourself... Age is never an issue... It is only an excuse... Excuse that even I find it amusing... Excuse that I will never ever accept it... If things were simpler, I will sacrifice myself to help you get out of this... But things are not...

This is not the ending that I want... If it were to happen in 2011, how am I supposed to face it alone??? Acting as though nothing really happened??? I can't do that... Extending my heartfelt congrats??? Impossible!!! Can someone tell me how to stop the heartache??? Or even worse how to be heartless and emotionless towards the whole happening???

Speaking from experience, it will only be hatred that can make me be heartless... But then again, I can't bring myself to do that... He never at any time treated me badly except for that one time...

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO STOP ALL THESE FROM HAPPENING!!!!

Shi Hui <3

The truth...

2009-08-15T16:12:00.002+08:00

The so-called best decision for me has been revealed after much coercion... It was not an easy night... But then the truth turned out to be another pack of lies... Your betrayal, your lies and your everything... Everything turned out to be something that I dread of listening... Something that I always thought that it will never ever happened again...

But why???!!! It happened again and again... You promised... You assured me it will not happen... But you allow it to happen again... Everything is covered so easily with your excuses and your avoidance... Once again, I am such a failure... I turned out to be a fool again... True... You deserve more than a slap from me... You deserve more than a scolding from me... But then your words really made me speechless... Your explantion made me not knowing how to react... It only brings tears to my face again...

I have so many things to say... I wanted to see you so much just to let you know how much I missed you... But you robbed me of the opportunity... You chose the path that I won't even give you my blessings.... You chose the wrong person to share your happiness... I am left with another regret in my life...

History seems to be repeating itself time and time again... Even God is playing a fool on me... How funny it can be... At the end of the day, if none of us gained happiness, whose fault would it be??? Or am I only the one who won't be able to gain happiness because I can't let go...

Shi Hui <3

Malaysia...

2009-08-15T15:58:00.003+08:00

Hello folks... I am back in Malaysia... Hahahaha... And this is the 3rd week I am back in Malaysia... Malaysia has been so so so bad... With the H1N1 case on the rise, bad haze and even stupid hot weather, I am missing Bristol now... At the very least, I am not worried about H1N1 virus there although the cases in UK are like 100 times more than in Malaysia... Bristol has no haze... I breathe in fresh air every morning... Unlike here, I might choke to death very very soon... And and and I sweat all the time here... Sigh...

Up till now, I have not tasted all the food that I have been craving ever since I am in Bristol... Reason being is I am on diet... Everyone commented that I have gained weight... It's true... I am so so so fat now... Gong, wai po, mei yi, papa, mummy, aunties, uncles, friends... Everyone said that I am fat... For the time being, no sweet stuff... There goes my cakes, ice creams and chocolates... I want mousse cake... I want chocolate indulgence... I want J.Co Donuts... Another sigh...

I have not met up with everyone... I have not met up with all my boys and girls... Faster faster come back... Yerrrrrr... Sigh... And I am missing my darlings back in Bristol... =S

Shi Hui <3

They meant well...

2009-07-20T22:56:00.001+08:00

I have no idea how this post should be laid out... I myself have no idea too on what feeling I should have... It never crossed my mind that such thing will happen in the family... I always thought that everyone in the family is safe and healthy... But this is so not true... Mummy always share the joy with me but never the sorrow...

This time she ordered everyone to keep this from me just because she doesn't want to affect my mood as my finals was around the corner during that time... I was not even made known after my exam as they want me to enjoy myself here... Jie told me today and I immediately broke down in front of the laptop... I don't know how am I supposed to reply and react to the news... Why am I the last to know this time??? Why no one dares to tell me??? Why no one asked me to go back earlier???

For the first time in my life, I feel that I am such an useless daughter... I always feel that I can always make papa and mummy proud... But then, this time I classified myself as char siew... A daughter who only knows how to enjoy her life and spend money... A daughter who does not even want to come back right after exam... A daughter who decided to spend more money and laze around for 2 months before decided to go back Malaysia for good... I am such a good for nothing...

I asked jie so many whys... Why no one told me after my exam??? Why no one let me know even when I video called them??? Why why why??? Simply because mummy ordered them that no one should let me know it... Even after exam... Mek told me that mummy said I don't need to know it...

This time around, I have so many regrets... I should have go back earlier... I am so selfish... Papa and mummy love me more than I realised... They chose to keep it from me just because they want me to enjoy myself here... Mummy hid it so well from me that when I talked to her on the phone, she does not even let the cat out of the bag... Jie, Han, Mek and Wei did not mention anything to me at all when I am chatting with them in MSN...

I know they meant well... I can't help with anything... I can't fly back immediately too... I just simply hate myself this time....

Shi Hui <3

Sleeping Blog???

2009-07-08T07:46:00.001+08:00

NO NO NO!!!

This is definitely not a sleeping blog!!!!
I am going to update something here very very soon...

Current status : Busy emptying my room...

I am trying very very hard to stuff in everything in my suddenly-become-so-small luggage... And I am headache over having so many things... I need to do some soul-searching... Shopping queen title... Shopaholic title... Anyone??? I am trying to practice window shopping... :P:P:P

Wish me luck and see you soon... Hehe...

Shi Hui <3

Happy Papa's Day...

2009-06-21T07:20:00.006+08:00

First and foremost, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all the fathers, grandfathers, great grandfathers and so on... And of course, to my wonderful papa... Wish him in the best of health... Stay young and happy at all times... :D:D:D Maintain your healthy lifestyle and be as vain as you want lah...

This is another not celebrated occasion in my family... Maybe because all these events made the restaurant simply over-crowded all the time which made us lazy to celebrate it... Another reason is because my dad is simply too ego... He doesn't like celebration where he will be the main character such as birthday or Father's Day... Sigh... What's so great with this man's ego... Hmmphhh... I just could not understand...

Hahahaha... I have never given anything to papa on Father's Day... But this year I sent him a big Father's Day card... Although I will never get the respond or get to see the reaction on their face when they see the card, I assumed that they are touched by the effort I put in... Note that those wishes in my card are all Chinese words...

I still remembered when I was in secondary school, there was this oral test with Miss Norilla... The question that she asked me was, "Name me one hero that you respect most and why"... Without hesitation, I replied her, "The hero that I respect most is my father"... He is indeed a hero in my heart... Quitting school at the age of 12 just to earn some livings in order to lighten the burden of the family... My grandfather passed away when my dad was 12... And that was when he has no choice but to quit school so that his younger sisters and brothers have the chance to study... Born in a poor family with nothing left to him by my grandparents, he managed to build his own career...

His success seems to be a hot topic among the family including his own siblings... I wonder why... Doesn't he deserve something after striving for so many years??? His 38 years of blood and sweat are more than enough in exchange to what he owns today... I really respect his perseverance and thinking in so many things... He remembered every single word told by my grandma to him... And he even passed it on to us... Being the very disappointing Teochew, I have difficulty saying those phrases out... I knew them by heart... Seriously...

He is a man full of ego... I have to say that... He simply concerns me a lot yet he does not want to show it out... He is the one who is worried about my parcel... He is the one who is worried about my luggage... He is the one who is worried about the weather here... He is also the one I speak the least to when I am here... But I know he cares... When I was staying in Subang with my sis previously, he never gave me a single call at all... Until one day when we were on the way back to Muar for Hari Raya Puasa holidays, a call from him really melted my heart... My phone rang and I was telling my sis, "How come papa suddenly call me???" I picked up the phone and he asked me where were we... I replied, "On the way"... He simple said, "Ask jie to drive slowly... No rush... There will be many cars on the road"... Gosh... And he was working at that time... I was simply so delighted and happy... It never crossed my mind that my dad would say such thing to me...

Even though his face looks fierce, he is actually not fierce at all... I climb on top of his back till I was 13 or 14 years old and he doesn't mind... Shi Han patted his shoulder all the time and said "Yo, Brother"... Shiyi argued with him all the time... Shi Wei hit him as though she caught a snatch thief... I used to hold his hand when we went shopping... We touched his face while talking to him... For me, he is more than a dad... A friend, a brother... Everyone will say that I am my dad's favourite daughter... I think I am but then again he treats all of us equally good... He dotes on Shi Han a lot too... He loves Shi Wei even more... He has never failed to disappoint me all the time... I get everything I wished for... He jokes, plays around and tries to sing Lee Hom's, Evan Yo's and Nicholas Teo's songs just to prove to us that he is still young... If I am back in Muar for holidays, he will call out my name from the door whenever he reaches home from work... Even mummy gets jealous over that... Mummy complained that there are Ying, Han, Yi and Wei to call... Of all the names, why must it be Hui all the time... Hahaha... I miss those days...

Papa, I am coming home soon to accompany you for breakfast and dinner... I am coming home soon so that you won't miss calling Ah Hui for too long... Happy Father's Day... You are the indeed my SUPERDAD... I LOVE YOU!!!

Shi Hui <3

Untitled...

2009-06-20T00:23:00.003+08:00

I am being left all alone in the house... This is not the first time... Previously I enjoyed being alone in the house because there will be no one to make noise or disturb me... However, today being home alone left me emo to the maximum... So many things just crossed my mind without me wanting to... And of course it brought my emotions to another level...

I thought of so many people, so many things... Listened to so many songs... Watching the MVs in Youtube made it even worse... The MV of 早点回家 by Soda Green reminded me of my grandparents which I have not seen for ages... They must have aged a lot... The same thing applies to granduncle... Hopefully he is in the best of health...

I am bored to the extent that I feel like cursing... @!@#$%^&*... I feel like going home so much now... Home is the best place for me to hide and escape from everything... There is always someone to protect me from everything... No matter how much it hurts, it heals in no time... Since it's a decision made by myself after much thought, I should not be regretting as it is of no use crying over spilt milk... Life still goes on...

I really have no idea on how to continue on this post... Till we meet again... See you...

Shi Hui <3

For One More Time...

2009-06-16T00:30:00.002+08:00

It has been a while since I last feel so emo... Tears just cannot be controlled... I was the one who called back and reminded them to take photos for me... I was the one who asked my sis to upload pictures for me... Yet I was the one who cannot control the flow of tears when viewing those pictures... I cried when I see my sisters... I cried when jie commented on my Facebook status...

I almost cried when talking to mummy on the phone the other day... But I managed to hold back my tears... Today I really feel so down... I don't know why... Even when I was on the way to buying groceries, I almost teared when thinking of certain things... I thought of the day when I will be back in Malaysia... I thought of the feelings of meeting everyone... Papa, mummy, jie, han, mek and wei... Gong and wai po... From da yi till mei yi... Da jiu and xiao jiu... From er gu till xiao gu... Pek pek and shu shu... And all my cousins... Although not close I miss them too... Ah Boy, Ah Girl, Shirley, Ah Vin, Ah J, Ah Han, Ah Pei and family, Ah Wei, Ah Zhi, Wen Wen, Yong Rui and Le Le... Ah Hua and his wife, Ah Ji, Ah Ting, Ah Fan, Pei Qi, Pei Sin, Ah Zu, Ah You, Ah Hui, Hui Wen, Hui En, Ah Ni, Ah Yi, Xin Ying, Ah Le, Jing Lun, Yi Lun, Yi Jie and Yi Qi... Hahahaha... This is the first time I put down all my cousin's name... I wonder when will be the next time I will get to see all of them... Chinese New Year perhaps...

My aunt asked, "Does your heart feel itchy all the time???" I'll be really lying if I say no... It happens all the time especially when there are gathering... When I knew everyone is back in Muar...

Hanging on till the last day... 40 more days and counting...

Shi Hui <3

Blur Nag...

2009-06-10T22:36:00.006+08:00

There was a birthday reminder on my phone at 10am yesterday... I was still in the bed and wondered whose birthday it is... As far as I can remember, I don't owe anyone birthday wishes as there was no notification from Facebook or Friendster... Took the phone and had a look... Oh my god... Why on earth there is this birthday reminder for this unknown person... Pressed the back button and went back to sleep... Due to that reminder, I missed the text sent to me by Chi Ying... Damn annoyed with it...

I mentioned quite some time ago that I might lose a friend... I think it already happened without me realising... Today I just remembered this friend of mine... I wonder am I the one who let go or vice versa... I am feeling very neutral over this as it is something that I have expected long time ago but God loves me by allowing me to spend more time with this friend of mine before she is gone...

Friends come and friends go... They are people who can't make it into our family... For those who left, they are not meant to accompany us till the end of our life journey... For those who are still here, let's brave the storm together and move forward... I am not emo at all... Just feel that it has been quite some time since I wrote something from the bottom of my heart here...

What do you all prefer me to nag here??? My feelings or some random stuff as in what I did???

Shi Hui <3

Sad Finale... =(

2009-06-10T22:24:00.004+08:00

I really have to admit how much he understands me... He chose not to let me know when I wanted to know it badly... As time goes by, the answer seems to come to me by itself... I have the answer in me but I have no courage to get the clarification... The answer does not favour me at all... It's at his advantage...

I guess this is the reason why there is at one point of time that I almost forgot that he still owes me an explanation... Should I let my memory fail me this time or should I stick to my stubbornness to hold till the end to get the answer which eventually will make me cry again??? A rational person will definitely choose to let it go... But then I seriously want an answer although it might not favour me at all...

It's quite a sad ending actually... :(

Shi Hui <3

Random...

2009-06-08T08:19:00.003+08:00

Hahahaha... I just realised that I have no entry yet in Blur Nag for June... Sad case... I am so lazy to blog... I think I am no longer interested in nagging... Wakakaka... Michelle will be laughing her heads off I think... Not really...

Hmmm... The family is back from Bali... Surprisingly, no one turned into charcoal... I am so disappointed... Was still thinking can make fun of Shiyi when she's back but now... Sigh... She is proud now... And ended up she laughed at my face and said I am fat... Hmmph... Fine... I must find something to get back at her... Hehehe... Mummy told me her secret just now... Regarding her massage session with Shi Wei... I am going to tease her on that... But seriously I am ugly and fat now... Self confidence all gone... That's what I told Mummy today... :(

Cousin Teng Hua is getting married next week... Heard from Mummy that he held his dinner in Penang last Saturday... Hahahaha.. That means he is considered married now... Woohoo... So funny... His sister, Sock Ting will be coming back from New Zealand and I missed the chance of meeting her... Hahaha... I did not see her for about 2years...

Speaking of which, my little nephew is almost one month old... Time flies... Even the small baby is one month old... I still don't know his name yet... I did not even have a picture of him... As for as I know, he is still nameless when he is 2weeks old... They are finding the right name to fit the number of strokes his eight characters suit... This is something very troublesome... Imagine he is English educated and his name needs to have 20 strokes for one character??? He will cry when writing his name next time... Hahahaha...

On another note, I mentioned the other time about leaving my memory here or bringing it back to Malaysia... Somehow I got the answer that day... That particular thing dropped of so many things... It's like telling me what I should do with it... Hahaha... It's in the dustbin now... I mean the big dustbin outside my house... Memory thrown away... Cool...

Shi Hui<3

Confusion & Depression...

2009-05-30T20:02:00.003+08:00

Sigh... I am so depressed now everytime I look at the mirror... How am I supposed to cure my face??? I am trying to sleep early now... I am doing mask at least twice a week... Hmmm... Maybe I should stop eating chicken and eggs... It used to work effectively last time... But then meals will be so boring without chicken and eggs... Dishes are already so limited... Maybe I should really impose a ban on chicken and eggs not because of bird flu but for the sake of my face... I hate taking pictures now... That's the main reason I have no mood for travelling at all... Arghhh... Tomorrow I am going to the city to see what I can buy to cure my face in the shortest time possible... Or else I will be very very depressed... Depressed till I hate seeing people... No face to meet people... :(

I am so confused over some people... Why on earth they want to make me confused over the same thing over and over again??? Treating me nice at the wrong time... Offering me help when I least expect and need it... Why must appear so noble or affectionate over it??? What's the reason??? What's the motive??? Maybe I think too much... Purely what they feel over it... No reason or motive behind it... Whatever... I am just annoyed over it... I am so not pleased with it... It's tiring to figure out what's behind every word you said... It's even more tiring to know you... Arghhh...

Shi Hui <3

The end!!!

2009-05-27T20:50:00.002+08:00

Exam has finally come to an end... The supposed-to-be-excited-and-happy feeling can't be feel... I wonder why.... One night before the last paper, I was really very very excited... But after the answer script was taken away from me, I actually feel nothing... Not even a sigh of relief... Guess I am over exhausted... Or maybe I am feeling the uncertainty... Whatever it is, it's summer break now... 4 months of summer break... 2 months in UK and another 2 months I'll be in Malaysia...

I suddenly have a thought when I was about to update my blog... I am supposed to blog more when I am having holiday... But then what to blog??? Blah... No idea... Just to make sure you guys know that I am still breathing in fresh air everyday... Survived through the exam... Congrats to myself... Hahaha...

Will update when I am in the mood... Lazy now...

Shi Hui <3

Sagittarian No More???

2009-05-21T06:02:00.007+08:00

Found this interesting stuff... There are actually 13 horoscopes and not 12??? There are some reasons behind this which I have difficulty explaining it because I don't understand either... Pardon me... Due to the entry of this new OPHIUCHUS, the date for the horoscopes are adjusted... For those who were previously belong to Sagitarrius may find themselves in other horoscope... And the same thing applies to other horoscopes as well... Hahaha... Check out your new horoscope... :)

:: ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13 ::

:: TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19 ::

:: GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20 ::

:: CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9 ::

:: LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15 ::

:: VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30 ::

:: LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22 ::

:: SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29 ::

:: OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17 ::

:: SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18 ::

:: CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15 ::

:: AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11 ::

:: PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18 ::

Source :-

http://www.geocities.com/astrologyconstellations/ophiuchus.htm

http://www.love-astrology.com/13th-sign-of-the-zodiac/ophiuchus-13th-sign/

How true and reliable the whole thing is I have no assurance... I just find it interesting... :P

Shi Hui <3

I am an owl...

2009-05-18T05:31:00.003+08:00

I have to admit that I am an owl... I can't concentrate at all during the daytime... Even though I did not sign in MSN, did not log into Facebook, the laptop display is off, I still could not focus at all... Why is this happening to me??? I have to wait until about 9pm which is after my dinner time, then only I will be productive... I can study till 6am with the help of a cup of mocha... Such an unhealthy lifestyle I am leading... Sigh...

Mummy asked me that day when I was video-calling her... She did not see me for like many many months and the first question she asked me was, "What happened to your face???" So sad, right??? So I just told her I have not had enough sleep for the past few months and I have been sleeping really late... I guess every mother will come up with the standard answer... "Sleep when you have time... Don't tire out yourself.." Hahaha... I wish I could too... But there is no way I can make myself focus and concentrate during the daytime... That is why I need to burn the midnight oil all the time... Zzzzz...

I promise myself that I will sleep the latest at 12am after my exam... I want to have my beauty sleep... My face is like shit now... I am serious... Damn annoyed... I have been deprived of beauty sleep since Chinese New Year I guess... Hahaha... Back to revision... Wish me luck... :)

Shi Hui <3

Happy family... =)

2009-05-17T00:18:00.003+08:00

Another piece of good news from me... There is a newborn baby in my family... This is the 3rd baby ever since I came to Bristol... But this time the feeling is different because the first two babies are my cousins while this newborn baby is my nephew... Hahaha... I have upgraded my status... :P

No wonder they say that so many things can happen in a year time... This is the 8th month I am away from home and there are already 3 new family members... I will be expecting two new cousin-in-laws when I am back... Hahaha... Anyway, I met both of them before... Just that the frequency is like once or twice only...

Not much updates recently because I hardly call back... I am busy with exams... So do my sisters... No one to update me in MSN...

Shi Hui <3

Hello...

2009-05-15T05:04:00.003+08:00

I AM STILL ALIVE AND KICKING... :)

Shi Hui <3

Which is sweeter???

2009-05-13T06:12:00.003+08:00

A question posed to me by my housemate, Suhan...

Which is sweeter???

Love or ice-cream???

My answer was...

Ice-cream... Chocolate ice-cream... :P:P:P

Yum yum... :D

Shi Hui <3

:D:D:D

2009-05-11T02:21:00.003+08:00

I am simply simply overjoyed today... This is the third post that I am typing today... Haha... I gave Chan a call just now and managed to talk to her, Phylis and Calvin... Oh my god... I seriously have no idea how to describe the feelings... Morning I talked to papa, han and mek... Evening I talked to Chan, Phylis and Calvin... It's in ONE DAY... See that... It's 1 day...

This is the second time I talked to so many people on the phone in a day... The first time was during Chinese New Year where I called Michelle and managed to talk to the girls as they were having steamboat at Vi Vian's place...

No words can describe my current mood and feeling... Missing each and everyone dearly... You guys never fail to carve a long lasting SMILE on my face... Muackssss... :)

Shi Hui <3

Happy happy happy... :D

2009-05-10T19:04:00.005+08:00

Woohooo... I am so happy now... Guess what??? I talked to papa on the phone just now... If I am not mistaken, this is the 3rd time I really talk to him through the phone... That explains the excitement and happiness in me now... :D:D:D

P/S : Of course tears did roll just now... But that is tears of happiness... It always happen when talking to papa...

Papa remembers the date I am coming back... He has already plan my breakfast, lunch and dinner on the particular day... Hahahaha... I CAN'T WAIT!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!! Yes, very very fast... First, get rid of exam... Next, pack those unused stuff and ship them back to Malaysia... Third, I am going to visit a few places which is unknown till now... The only one confirmed till now is Birmingham... Their laksa is so yummy... Yum yum... :P Haha... I need to spend more time with my darlings here and housemates as well... Lastly, pack everything and I will be in Malaysia soon... Anyway, that's not the main point...

I miss papa so much... Not forgetting that I talked to Han and Mek just now... Woohooo... Happy happy... Couldn't talk to mummy because she was driving just now... Never mind... Well, this is indeed a boost for me to study harder on this sunny Sunday... Muackss...

Shi Hui <3

Happy Mummy's Day <3

2009-05-10T07:46:00.006+08:00

First and foremost, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the wonderful mummies out there especially my mummy... Stay young, pretty, healthy and happy at all times... :D:D:D

Mummy and Shi Wei posing for the smile detector... :D

This is not a so-much celebrated occasion in my family although my mummy has 5 daughters... Haha... This is because most of the time, the restaurants will be so packed and full which none of us like it... Hence, mummy will cook for us instead on that day... I know we should be the one cooking for her... But she will never let us mess with her kitchen unless she's not at home... She will prepare some special food like steamboat so that we do not have to go out and dine in those crowded, noisy and have-to-wait-very-long restaurants...

I miss her... :)

As for presents, jie ordered a bouquet of flowers and have it delivered to our house on Sunday morning few years ago and mummy nagged for wasting money on flowers which will eventually wither... I guesss she doesn't want flowers from daughters... She wants it from papa... :P Hahahaha... I bought her a bottle of perfume before... I assume up till now that bottle of perfume is still in her drawer... Sigh... Let me go back and check... Haha...

This year, as blur as I can be, I thought Mother's Day is next week and not this week... Never did I realise that this is the second week of May... As a result, my card was sent out late... Oh no... I am such a bad daughter... Most probably it will reach mummy only on Tuesday or Wednesday... Sad... :( I am going to send her a text later... Not going to call her... I might cry I think... I am not going to take the risk...

P/S : I cried when writing the card... :P

A very candid photo taken at the airport... :D

Speaking of my mummy, I really have to salute her being able to take up the role of a full time housewife... Mind you... My house has no maid and she has to make sure the house is clean and tidy at all times (she is very fussy about housework)... She has to fetch 3sisters to school and tuition (she never makes us wait for her and always on time)... She has to cook although it's mostly dinner... But I understand now that preparing a meal is not as easy as we thought it to be... Her day starts as early as 5.30am and ends around 10.30pm... Poor her... Sometimes she has to help my grandma run some errands like doing groceries and stuff like that... She has to help my dad hoover his office... For me, she's really a SUPERWOMAN... One great thing about her, she hardly scolds us... No doubt she nags but I guess that is essential to let off of the pressure she is having... Imagine having one daughter staying alone in KL, another daughter alone in Bristol and another 3 more daughters to handle back in Muar... Not everyone can handle this I guess... That is why she has more right to nag or scold... But no matter what, she's the BEST MUMMY one could ever ask for... With that, I can say that Shiying, Shi Hui, Shi Han, Shiyi and Shi Wei are truly blessed... Yes, we are...

MUMMY, I LOVE YOU!!!

MUACKSSS...

Shi Hui <3

Flashback...

2009-05-09T03:05:00.003+08:00

There are simply too many things that appear right in front of me while I was reading Yi Ling's blog just now... Her anger, her dissatisfaction, her disappointment, her frustration, etc seem so familiar to me... Those seem to be my regular post here few months ago... Thinking back, it has been almost 2 months since the episode... Am I really fine??? Have I got over everything??? Am I happier??? I tend to ask myself these questions...

I think I am fine... I think I am happier and lamer as well... But...

I HAVE NOT GOT OVER EVERYTHING...

HE STILL OWES ME AN EXPLANATION!!!

Edited : I am very sure that I will get over this thoroughly once and for all after I get the explanation I deserve regardless of what the reason is... I JUST WANT AN EXPLANATION!!!

Well, I have stopped forwarding him texts everyday... Sometimes we do chat in MSN but the frequency is like once or twice in a month... He is no longer the one I needed when I am down... He can't do anything at all to cheer me up... Up till now I still have the feeling that he is avoiding me... It's true... There was once he said to me in MSN... "I don't deserve you to treat me so nice"... My reply was, "Whether you deserve it or not, whether I should treat you nice or not are up to me"...

Till now, I have no idea what kind of feeling that I am using to face him... I try to make it as neutral as possible... Yes, it is very very neutral... I treat him the way that I treat my friends... I just want everyone to be happy...

Trust me... I am happy... Although I might not be the happiest girl on earth now, at the very least I am happier than him and many many other people... Cheers...

Shi Hui <3

WRONG!!!

2009-05-04T01:33:00.005+08:00

Things have been quite positive for quite some time... But TODAY, it is totally WRONG... Out of place, not right, in a mess, etc... Whatever you want to name it... As negative as it can be... I am so pissed over this... To make things worse, it is not the right time of the month... Revision plus PMS made me in such a bad mood... I am really going to explode...

This is one of the many times when I really really hate myself... I hate myself for being kind, being generous, being such a faker, being a fool... How I wish I did not see any of those... How I wish I can be as neutral as possible towards those... How I wish... How I wish... It's too late...

Edited :

Him : Without me by your side, you have to solve everything by yourself...

And why are you telling me things that none of us can make a change to it??? I simply simply don't understand why... Asking the obvious when you have the answer... So what you get the answer from me??? What can you do??? You can't even carve a smile on my face now... Does seeing me in this state make you feel better???

Don't worry... I'll be able to bring back the smile on my face very very soon... This won't bring me down... Smile at the trouble... Laugh at them for not being able to make me emo... I miss Muhe and Michelle... :(

Shi Hui <3

I didn't know that...

2009-05-02T02:01:00.003+08:00

It has been quite some time since this happens... I did not know that your memories still can bring tears to my eyes... It pulled my emotions level down immediately when that particular word struck my mind... Anyway, I guess I have the answer in me now... It crossed my mind suddenly when I browsed through my texts... Seeing you in such a bad mood that day brought me nearer to the actual reason and answer... I am really sorry for not being able to do anything to help... The full stop indeed has put on a barrier between us... There's no more heart-to-heart talk... No one can help you but yourself... If you choose to sink further, then I can't help you in any way anymore... No one can alter the reality... It doesn't matter now who came up with the suggestion, what matters most is both of us have accepted it...

On another note, I chatted with jie through texts today... I am so happy... My ex-boss, who is her friend's brother will be getting married tomorrow... Chatted with her on many many things... I think this is the only way that I won't cry... Can chat with her without listening to her voice which can make me cry... Mummy is worried about my cough which has not yet recovered after such a long time... Pa is worried about the Influenza A H1N1... He even suggested me to buy a mask which I think I will.. The family will be going to KL tomorrow... Wish I can go as well... But I can wait... Hope they enjoy the trip tomorrow...

P/S : Bristol has reported its first case of Influenza A H1N1...

Shi Hui <3

Have you smiled today??? =D

2009-04-29T05:56:00.002+08:00

One of the meaningful and easy-to-remember questions posed to me by Wynken one day after I was "psycho-ed" by him for being emo... "Have you smiled today???" Wow... I was so impressed... His words can just stick in my brain and I can smile when thinking about them... One of the many many quotes that he gave me the other day was "Even smile at those things troubling you... Laugh at them for not being able to make you emo..." Thanks Wynken... You indeed made me happier and bring back the smile on my face...

Today, 240409, does not seem to be a good day... Calvin boy was so down that even lame jokes do not work on him... Sigh... Not only today actually... He has not been his own self since I can't remember when... Sunday or Monday... Hmmm... Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for him...

Michelle was nowhere in MSN... Must be having a tough battle ahead that she did not online... Never mind... I'll catch up with her soon... She did sneak into Facebook... Wakakaka...

On a random note, XQG got his new car... Woohoo... It's like FINALLY... It has been a 4-month-wait... Hahaha... I am just being too random anyway because he chatted with me in MSN today... His new car has nothing got to do with me... And he is another person whose emotions level dropped to below 0... He was in super ultra low spirit... Can you imagine throughout the whole conversation, there's no "haha" or "LOL" at all... What I keep seeing is an emoticon shaking its head denoting "no" and "nothing"... Even I feel like shaking my head... Sigh... He is beyond cure I guess...

Remember to ask yourself this question constantly... Have you smiled today??? =D Cheers...

Shi Hui <3

I just want to...

2009-04-25T03:39:00.004+08:00

- I just want to make myself HAPPIER...

- I just want to revert to my old self which has no problem SMILING or LAUGHING...

- I just want to CONCENTRATE and FOCUS on my coming finals...

- I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone for the support given all these while...

- I just want to say I APPRECIATE it...

For those who will not be able to participate in the first three points and is not included in the fourth point, can you please kindly find your own way out of my mind??? Your cooperation is deeply appreciated... Thanks...

For those who are included in the abovementioned points, thanks again... You know who you are... Love you guys to the MAXIMUM... *bow*

Shi Hui <3

Self-delusion...

2009-04-24T01:54:00.002+08:00

[ S E L F - D E L U S I O N ]

A very pathetic word... The one performing this act is even more pathetic... Yep... The pathetic one here is Shi Hui... The even more pathetic one is Shi Hui too... I have been deluding myself on so many matters... My own emotions, my own thinking and myself... I thought by doing this, I can feel better and happier... But as time goes by, I do not feel better... Neither do I feel happier...

At the end of the day, the empty space is emptier than before... If I were to face it long ago, it might have been filled up by more than half now... How does it feel to be empty to the maximum??? Is it beyond salvation???

The happiness gained from self-delusion is so short-lived that you feel even moodier when the effect has gone off... The smile that was faked can make your heart aches at the same time when you smile... This is so tiring...

A dosage of how are you plus some words of encouragement will make my day I think... =)

Shi Hui <3

Where should I leave the memory???

2009-04-22T05:26:00.005+08:00

I have this thought that crossed my mind suddenly when I saw those cards on the wall... When it is the time for me to take down those cards and pack my belongings to leave this place, where should those unwanted memory be??? Should I just leave them in Bristol or should I bring them back??? The Valentine's card was still on the wall... I guess I will just leave it till the day I am really packing my belongings and by then I am sure I will have the answer... Hahaha... I know I am thinking too much... :P

Shi Hui <3

Specially Dedicated... <3

2009-04-18T19:45:00.017+08:00

There are 2people that this blog post is specially dedicated to... I have the thought of writing this post as I did quite a lot of write up on my family and how much they mean to me... The next group of people who love me dearly is no doubt my FRIENDS...

Let me start with a girl I have known since Primary 1... We grew up together... Known each other since young... The friendship and bond grew to the extent that no words can be used to describe our friendship... Never ever gave up on me... Forever willing to lend me a helping hand... Always there to back me up, give me full support, listen to my nagging.... Consoled me when I am down... Cheer me up when I frown... She will never ever reject me if I need any help from her... Be it fetching me when I have no transport or asking her out for yumcha... Remember and miss me all the time no matter where I am... I hate to admit that the time we spent together after SPM is getting lesser and lesser as our schedule clashes all the time... But deep in my heart, you are just a guardian angel sent to me... Guiding me through the darkest path and protecting me from any danger... My deeepest gratitute from the bottom of my heart... No amount of thanks will be able to express it... But I promise to back you up all the way... *Drums roll please* She is none other than MICHELLE LEONG KIT YIN... <3<3<3

I have no idea when I first met him... I can't remember since when I started to have him as a friend... Sorry... Blame it on my "no heart" to remember the details... Sometimes he just give the don't-bother-attitude to everyone around him... He will never ever reveal much about his thoughts... But somehow he can give constructive advice and is a good companion to have a heart-to-heart talk... Errrr.... This made my hair stand... Pillow talk in Tanjung sounds better... He accompanies me for rojak on most of the Saturdays evening... He accompanied me to Malacca to get my passport done... He brought me to all the nice places and food in Malacca and he still promises me to do so when I am back... He is sensitive enough to sense that you are not fine... He is another one who is forever there to lend me his ears... Be it just my nagging or grumbling or even some nonsense... He hardly frowns and one thing for sure, he never fail to cheer me up too... *Drums roll please* He is CALVIN CHUA THE BOY... <3<3<3

Thanks to both of you... When I frown, both of you let me realise that my smile means a lot to everyone... Allowed me to vent out my frustration and anger... I cried, I laughed and I smiled when chatting with both of you... Sometimes I do feel that I do not deserve to be treated so nice... But both of you are simply wonderful... Life is even more colourful than a rainbow with both of you trying to put colours into it... THANKS A MILLION!!! With both of you around, I will never ever fall... Even if I trip, I am sure there will be someone to hold my hand... I seriously do miss and love you and you... =D

P/S : I realised that I have very limited picture with them... =P
Go back must take more...

Shi Hui <3

我要时光机!!!

2009-04-17T02:29:00.010+08:00

I asked mummy before I left Malaysia... "Do you bear seeing me going to UK alone???" She replied me, "If it is something for your own good, why not???" I was left speechless at that point of time...

Papa said, "Do your final year in UK..." I replied with a "No..." He told me that since I started on my Year 2... It was until I realised that it is one of his wishes that I can play a part in fulfilling it that I decided to do my final year in UK...

When I was young, I can sleep without covering a blanket... Mummy will always say that even if you do not want to cover your body, make sure you cover up your feet... Now I sleep by covering up my whole self including my face... Hahaha...

When I was young, papa used to tell me that I was picked up from the garbage dump... Everyone hates me so much when I was small because I vomit all the time... Can you imagine how smelly I was??? No wonder even papa does not want to acknowledge me as his daughter... Now he is the one who loves me most...

When I was young, I was not close to jie at all... Simply because she is da jie... I do not like her!!! That's it... Hahaha... Now, I cry the moment I talk to her on the phone... She is my one and only jie in this world who accompanies and pays for my shopping and meal... She is the one who takes care of me when I was away from home to Subang Jaya... Now I am left all alone here... No doubt I really really miss her...

When I was 7 years old, I had the thought why on earth I am not the youngest anymore in the family because Shi Han was born... As she grew up, she's the sweetest among us... Gentle and soft spoken... Now she's counting down to the day that I am back in Malaysia... She's waiting for me to go back and be her driver again...

When I was 8, Shiyi was born... Out of sudden, I have one more younger sister... She is the apple of the eye of my aunt and uncle simply because she is fine with everyone... We travel to anywhere without her... She was under the care of a nanny for a short period of time as grandma was sick at that time and mummy has no time to take care of her... She's the most rebellious among us to the extent mummy complains a lot about her... She has too much ego in herself that you have to understand her mind instead of understanding what was spoken by her... She is the one who argues the most with me but I love her and she loves me too...

When I was 13, Shi Wei was born... She brings so much joy to our family... She gets what she wants and does not need to vie for it... Her da jie, er jie, han jie jie and yi jie jie will give her whatever she wants... Her papa dotes her more than anyone else in this world... She bullies, she hits, she scolds... She talks, she sings, she fools around... Afterall, she is the most disciplined among us who keeps her wardrobe so tidy and neat all the time...

I just wanted to say, I MISS THEM A LOT A LOT... Half year away away from home, half year without seeing them, touching them and feeling them made me realise that I love them more than I always thought...

The messages attached to the Valentine's Card I sent back this year...

It made Shi Han cried when she read it...

It made me cry again when I posted this...

*Click on the picture to have a larger preview*

Pa, I miss your voice...
Mummy, I just want to go home...
Jie, I need your company...
Han, I am willing to fetch you anywhere...
Mek, I am willing to be bombarded by you without retaliating...
Wei, er jie misses the time eating KFC and McDonalds with you...

I can wait for another 107 days... No worries... I just need something to force out the tears in me... Now the tears are out... So I am fine... Muackssss...

Shi Hui <3

Edited : I wonder if I were really given a 时光机, would I want it to lead me back to the past or future??? I seem to be unable to decide on this... I missed those memories when I was the youngest and at the same time, life without 3 younger sisters seems incomplete...

Surprised...

2009-04-15T06:03:00.005+08:00

I never ever thought that I will have the chance to listen to his voice again... I never ever thought that his name will appear on my phone screen... I never ever thought that my phone will ring because of him... It's totally out of my expectation even though I understand that unexpected things tend to happen... But somehow this is so unrealistic... Even I can't convince myself that it actually happened.. What is it trying to tell me??? A reminder that the episode turns one month old???

Anyway, I'll just accept whatever it comes... Shi Hui is still the healed Shi Hui who got over the whole episode in the shortest time... Standing firm on the ground that she has built for herself... I am just surprised that I will actually cross his mind... No doubt I am feeling happy over it... BUT... Nothing can be done to alter the truth...

Three cheers to myself... Hahaha... =D

Shi Hui <3

Chua's Family... <3

2009-04-15T03:37:00.003+08:00

Make your Stick Figure Family at FreeFlashToys.com

Found this in Karen's blog and decided to have a go with it... Hahaha... I heart them... <3<3<3>

Reborn... =D

2009-04-13T03:34:00.003+08:00

Hahaha... Blur Nag has a new look again... Twice in a year... I seem so free but in fact I am not... Finals in one month time and yet I am progressing slower than a snail... Got distracted so easily and Bristol has been so happening lately... Always out till midnight... Chilling either at Pay Chee's place or Chi Ying's place...

Hopefully with this brand new look, Blur Nag will not be as solemn as it used to be... This new template is so colourful and lively... Life is not all about nagging... What about partying and playing??? I surely have missed all the fun part out all these while...

Anyway, I just realised that this is the 151th post in Blur Nag... Stay tuned for more interesting posts... By the way, I have confirmed the date of my return... The excitement has indeed fade off... But I am really looking forward to go back Muar again... I miss papa, mummy, jie, han, mek and wei...

P/S : I am emo again today... Wakaka... I suddenly thought of so many things that I should not think of... Boooohoooo... =P

Care??? I have no idea...

2009-04-11T02:35:00.004+08:00

This is the second time that I had a conversation with XQG in MSN after the whole incident... In fact, I am actually quite surprised because he was the one who initiated the conversation as I did not know that he is online... But the feeling this time is so different from the first time... Updated him with what I have been busy with lately and when he learnt that I am sick for almost 2weeks, he preached me for not taking care of myself...

Does he still care and concern about me??? Is that the reaction I am anticipating when I told him that I am sick??? Does he still worry about me??? I am not used to his care and concern as a friend... He can worry about me but he can't preach me... He can care and concern about me but please know his limit... I might fall in love with him again... And why is everything coming only now??? Where were all these when I need it most??? Where was him when I was worse than sick???

He comes and goes as he likes it... He talks to me when he feels like doing it... I totally have no say from the beginning till the end... I can only accept his decision blindly while making my own assumptions on everything... Why must he appear again when I thought that I can take care of myself and manage everything by myself??? Isn't he selfish??? Isn't he inconsiderate??? He used to be so perfect in my eyes... But what is happening now???

What I seriously need now is not your care and concern... I WANT THE TRUTH... And I would like to let you know that I am doing really great and fine... I wasn't the fragile and incapable Shi Hui as I thought I was...

Notice...

2009-04-07T00:07:00.004+08:00

I can do it!!!

2009-04-05T01:22:00.004+08:00

Afterall, it seems like a blessing in disguise... I do not have to crack my head when I am back in Malaysia... I do not have to deal with so many uncertainties in the future... I do not have to be a bad girl... I do not have to make many many decisions which I hate the most... After weighing the costs and benefits, the benefits far far outweigh the costs...

I came to realise that I can make my own decisions too... I can survive without being nagged and reminded about thousand and one stuff... I can take care of myself when I am sick... I can handle my own problems... I have many many people out there who are willing to lend me their ears and shoulders anytime especially Calvin, Michelle and Yi Ling... You guys are simply marvellous... Two thumbs up...

Darling HJ said that I appear tougher this time... Hahaha... I have no comment on that... It has been classified as another chapter in Shi Hui's history... I flipped through it and now it's the beginning of another chapter... Darling HJ is also the one who came out with my new name, Chua Chua Chua... She actually knew that I am being known as Chua back in Muar... So she ended up calling me Chua Chua... Chua Chua has become my name... To add onto it, she adds another Chua which is the surname behind it... This is how I got my new name... So funny everytime she calls me Chua Chua Chua...

By the way, I am in the process of confirming the date of my flight back... I'll keep you guys informed... I will be back in July anyway... Haha... Should I or should I not??? I have no idea... Maybe I should just go with it and don't bother so much... No wonder people always says that if you think and worry too much, you'll end up doing nothing... I have been thinking and worrying too much... That is why I still dare not confirm the date with the travel agent... Arghhh... Next week next week... I will confirm it because it is already April now... Those who are going back during summer break has already known for sure when are they going back except me... Boooohooooo... =(

I GOT OVER HIM!!!

2009-04-01T03:18:00.003+08:00

One should know clearly when to start and when to stop...

This sentence came from my housemate when we were chatting the other day... It indeed made me ponder again... It is again something which I have never learnt before... Hence, I am always caught unguarded and unprepared when things cropped up... Always ended up with cuts and bruises here and there... But the worst thing is I seem not to be afraid of those cuts and bruises which all will turn into scars...

One good news... I GOT OVER IT!!! He is out of my mind... I do not have the urge to text him or anything... I came to realise that I am nothing to him besides being an extremely stubborn girl... This time around, it took me the longest time to come to terms with the reality because there is no reason provided... But love needs no reason... The same thing applies to break up, right??? It does not need to come with a reason as well I guess... By the way, I am conveying a message to him here... I'll carry on being stubborn because that is my nature which I can't and won't get rid of...

If stubborn is a sin, then let me be a total sinner... My stubbornness seems to get me into trouble all the time... My arguments, dissatisfaction, disappointment, etc all came from my stubbornness... Sigh... From whom I inherited my stubbornness??? Hmmm... Should be pa for sure... He is even more stubborn than me... Hahaha... Shhhh... No one is supposed to let my dad knows what I wrote here... =P

Anyway, I am not emo... Just another random post before starting doing my job... Hehe... Take care people... Muackssss... :):):)

There's LIE in beLIEve... What's left???

2009-03-28T02:35:00.003+08:00

沒有一百分的另一半，只有五十分的兩個人。
付出真心，才會得到真心，卻也可能傷得徹底；保持距離，就能保護自己，卻也註定永遠寂寞。
通常願意留下來跟你爭吵的人，才是真正愛你的人。
有時候，不是對方不在乎你，而是你把對方看得太重。
冷漠，有時候並不是無情，只是一種避免被傷害的工具。
如果我們之間有 1000步的距離，你只要跨出第1步，我就會朝你的方向走其餘的999步。
為你的難過而快樂的，是敵人；為你的快樂而快樂的，是朋友；為你的難過而難過的，就是那些，該放進心裡的人。
就算是believe，中間也藏了一個lie 。
真正的好朋友，並不是在一起就有聊不完的話題；而是在一起，就算不說話，也不會感到尷尬。
朋友就是把你看透了，還能喜歡你的人

I stumbled upon this mail in my inbox while clearing my mails just now... It was sent by 小气鬼 last year and I don't even remember the existence of this mail... Anyway, he read the same points to me few months ago... Among those points, the one highlighted are those that I really like and the one which has the largest font is my favourite... Even if it is beLIEve, there is still LIE in between... How true is that... No matter how much you believe someone, eventually there is still lie involved... I should have glued this in my brain for as long as it can be... There is no such thing as BELIEVE...

想要了解人心与人性, 不是一朝一夕的...

有是我们用一辈子也不一定了解, 我们的那个他...

Jojo told me this some time ago... It's not a task that can be completed in no time to understand a person's heart and nature... Sometimes, even if we use a lifetime to understand a person, it does not assure us that we understand them inside out and upside down...

Once in a while, sitting down and pondering over those quotes and what other people had said to me is indeed a good way to diminish the stubborn level in me... I love this feeling... I love everyone around me... <3<3<3

2009-03-27T04:42:00.003+08:00

At this point of time, there are so many things that run concurrently in the limited capacity storage of mine... Even I am caught in surprise... It has been a while since I have so much thoughts... I have the sudden urge to talk about many many things... Who should I tell those many many things to??? What are those things that can be disclosed openly here??? What are those things that I really really want and need to talk about???

Happiness, anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, etc... To whom they belong to??? Me, myself and I??? Family, friends and I??? Has everyone fulfilled their responsibility they have on me??? Have you finish teaching me what you are supposed to teach me??? The answer seems no but how come you are leaving without telling??? You left me unguarded to face all these alone... How can you be so selfish and cruel??? You left so many of my wishes unfulfilled... How can you withdraw halfway through the game??? You left me not knowing which direction to go... I still have many many things want to tell you... I still have many many questions want to ask you... He's really DEAD...

He used the most appropriate way to bring me down... Tackle on my weaknesses and strike from there... I have no idea on how to defend myself because the most vulnerable and fragile part of me is being attacked... I am very very sure that he knows exactly how I feel right now... He can sense and feel my sadness and misery at this point of time but how can he act as if nothing happened and still keep mum till today??? I have no idea how long more I can wait before I really explode... By that time, no amount of god can bless him... :P

Hahaha... Enough of that... Another random post to vent out my frustration on my late 小气鬼... I made him sound so cruel hor??? Anyway, cruel or not is not an issue anymore because he is a nobody to me... He doesn't owe me anything... I just hope he has the same intention as my dad at the end of the day which is to make me stronger and more independent... :D

2009-03-25T02:34:00.003+08:00

The one closest to your heart no matter at what time and in what circumstances is always YOUR FAMILY...
Never take things so seriously... A promise is just a promise... Do not put so much hope into it until it is being fulfilled...
No one is worth being prioritised unless he/she has done something that can make you put him/her on your list...
One should live for him/herself and not for anyone else because no one is worth your sacrifice except for those who are responsible to bring you into this world...
Always have some benefit of doubt on EVERYTHING... Do not take everything at face value...

The above few points were extracted from my previous post... Each and every point seems so true now... A simple "Sorry" can void all the promises made before... A simple "Forget me" can destroy all the status he has in my heart... A simple "I am dead" can make him a nobody to me...

It was a relationship which caught everyone by surprise... It was a relationship everyone is so against it... The outsiders always get to see things clearer... This time no exception as well... What does not belong to me will not belong to me no matter how firm I am holding onto it... No use grieving or wanting it back...

I just want to say,

"I SUDDENLY MISS HIM A LOT... I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY DO..." =D

I wonder,

Will he miss me??? Does he miss me??? Will I ever cross his mind???

2009-03-23T04:30:00.007+08:00

I am so so so so so happy today...
=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)

小气鬼finally signed in MSN after not signing in for almost a month... Hahahaha... And he did not ignore me when I sent him messages... I am satisfied enough... At the very least, he is not avoiding me because he dares to sign in MSN when he knows very sure that I will be there...

Ermmm... I have no idea on how to put the feelings into words while chatting with him in MSN... Of course it feels so so weird to chat with him because we used to video call... But then I have not been listening to his voice for quite some time already... So I am quite comfortable with chatting... That day he told me it is better not to talk on the phone as it will add on to the pain... I agree because texts alone can make me cry so bitterly... I can't imagine if he popped the news to me on the phone... It happened before... When he told me something that I don't wish to know, all I did was crying on the phone... Nothing else... I guess he is afraid of my tears now...

One more thing, it is so funny when he asked me, "How are you??" and I asked him, "How are you???"... I seriously cannot stand the formality... Gosh... It made me feel like laughing so much... But then it's manners... So I have no choice but to stick to the formality...

Well... It is a good start... I don't feel sad when talking to him... I don't feel like crying when chatting to him... I don't have the urge to call him "Dear"... I still have the nerves to make fun of him... Wakaka... They always say that girls will feel that treating ex as friend is very easy... But this is not applicable to guys... As for 小气鬼, I have no idea whether he belongs to this category or not... Hopefully he is different from normal guys... Haha...

Four years ago, he never had the thought of giving up on supporting me mentally and morally... Four years later, I am the one who never have the thought of giving up on supporting him mentally and morally... It does not matter how many times he ignores me... It does not matter if he does not reply any of my texts... I will be contented enough even if he accidentally thought of me be it only for a second in a day... Simply because he is my 小气鬼... Once my 小气鬼, forever my 小气鬼... This time I am not greedy at all although I was known as 贪心鬼... I might sound really silly but I am very sure about what I am doing... It has come to an end... No matter what I do, the ending will still be the same... I understand that... But I am trying to make myself happy... I am happy by doing all these... Trust me...

I guess this post is not solemn at all... Michelle, got the sunshine feel or not??? Chua is back in action with her long-winded nagging... Wakaka...

Miss each and everyone to the MAXIMUM... Muacksss muackssss... =D=D=D

P/S : I have a new name here... Chua Chua, Chua is my new name... Tell you guys about my new name soon... Stay tuned to my blog... Muahahahaha... =P

2009-03-21T05:30:00.002+08:00

I am contented with the information that I am supplied with till now... At the very least, I have bits and pieces here and there... Initially, it made me even more confused because it seems that the answer is so near but yet so far... But I have told myself that I am not going to question anymore the possible reasons underlying the whole episode... 小气鬼told me that there will be a day when I will know the truth... I seriously believe he will not lie to me and the day will come... If this is for my own good, I accept your decision... You never disappoint me in your decision making... So does this time...

On the other hand, the other day, Michelle and I were ruling out all the possible reasons that we could figured out... And then there was this funniest part when both of us thought about a realistic but funny possibility although I seriously do hope, pray and wish that is not the reason... *fingers crossed* Hahaha... We seem to watch too many dramas and become too dramatic...

I'll be fine... I have managed to fix my broken tap myself... Michelle, no plumber needed this time... Wakaka... Awaiting the day when Shi Hui is made known of the truth... The right time, the right place and the right person to tell me... Pray for me... Thanks... =D

2009-03-19T01:38:00.005+08:00

I finally got the long awaited reply... But how come when the sms reaches me, my tears flow like a broken tap... I did not get the answers that I want at all... My小气鬼told me he's dead... He's dead... He's gone... This time, it really slip through my fingers... It's gone... The case is closed... Gone forever... How does it slip through my fingers, I wonder... He does not even talk to me through the phone... Only smses... That's all...

There is this song that has been playing in my head for the past few days... "Say it isn't so" by Gareth Gates... The chorus goes like this...

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

I seriously seriously hope that this is a dream... Everything will be fine after I woke up... But how come this time no matter how many times I woke up, the pain is still there??? And the pain doubles or triples as time goes by... Michelle, this time I am right... It's a question with no answer provided at the end...

I am totally defeated this time... I lost my strong front... Nothing to cover my fragility and sadness... Luckily the tears know how to roll this time... How much tears is enough to numb a broken heart??? How much tears is needed to mourn for my小气鬼???

I never know it will hurt so badly... I never know it will be so painful... I never know it will turn out like this... I never know that will be the last time... How come there are so many things that I never know??? Stupidity remains... Ignorance stays still... Stubborn leading the way...

2009-03-18T04:16:00.002+08:00

My 988 e-radio was still on... I was lying on my bed preparing to take a nap... And there was this program where listeners will send in SMSes to the deejay regarding everything... Then there was this SMS from a girl... The deejay read out... "I can't locate my bf... I can't find him anywhere... He is trying to avoid me... I want to know why..." At the particular moment, there were this 3lines on my head... =.= How come this sounds so similar... I can assure you guys that I am not the one who send in the SMS and I am sure I did not make up the story...

And the reply the deejay gave was, "He must have his own reasons that he can't say it out and as a result he chooses to avoid you... Eventually, you will get the answer... There's no point forcing him..."

Hmmm... This is what Michelle told me... This is what Jojo told me... This is what I am trying to convince myself... As time goes by, I will get the answers for sure... I have to be mentally prepapred that I might not even have the answer one day... I seriously can't do anything more if his intention is to avoid me... Save my pride and dignity... Stubborn devil, please be patient this time, ok??? You have said and done all you could... You yourself know very sure that there's no happiness in forcing... Quoting from Pay Chee (2009), life goes on and on and on and on and on... Cheers... =D

2009-03-17T15:48:00.002+08:00

I have been cracking my head asking myself thousands of WHYs and WHATs... Every possibility seems to be coming one after another... But how come there is this possibility that keeps flashing through my mind??? I have a strong feeling that might be the real cause... Arghhh... How am I supposed to brush that thought away??? Or I am just preparing myself for the worst??? What is it that I can't know???

Last night, while brushing my teeth, I have the sudden thought and reminded myself... If I were to know everything, I would not have to rule down every possibility myself till now... If he were to tell me everything, he would have done so long ago... If he were to explain, he would have explained long ago... If he were to call or text, it would have happened long ago...

Sigh... Ignore this post... Just finding some channel to vent out my frustration...

2009-03-16T03:56:00.003+08:00

Calvin told me that certain things are better to be left unknown...

Jojo told me what for letting the unfavourable truth hurts you... We must learn to be self-protective...

Michelle said as long as I am happy, she's there to back me up...

Shi Hui said I must get to the bottom of the truth... This is how stubborn I am...

But this time is exception... I am listening to what Calvin and Jojo said... The truth is no longer important to me anymore... I don't deny the fact that I still hope someday somewhere he will let me know the truth... But it doesn't make any difference knowing it or not... At the end of the day, it will still be too late... History is repeating itself... I doubt there will be another 4 years time...

I myself have no idea whether I am fine or not... I have a feeling that is very difficult to be put into words... The weirdest thing is I am supposed to cry... But this time, there are no tears rolling... Maybe I have run out of tears...

Thanks for everyone who cares... I know you all love me... Don't worry... I'll b fine... Cheers... =D

2009-03-14T05:23:00.003+08:00

My XQG is missing... Did anyone see him anywhere??? He must have been hiding somewhere... I realised that he has turned into an ostrich... Burying his head in the ground when there are problems... He was not like that last time... At the same time, he has turned into a porcupine as well... Hurting everyone who goes near him... Maybe not everyone but I am the unlucky one...

Why is this happening??? But surprisingly, I am so used to it now... No more tears... No more complaining... I have to learn to make my own hot chocolate now... Anyway, if anyone happens to see him, please let me know because I miss my XQG... Thanks... =D

2009-03-13T07:57:00.002+08:00

A simple shape, a simple four-letter word...
It's something simple yet so abstract...
It's something when you thought you got hold of it, but it can slip through your fingers...
It's something no one can have a clear definition on it...
It's something that can make people over the moon and at the same time make people so miserable...
L-O-V-E...

2009-03-12T04:04:00.006+08:00

Arghhh... It all went back to square one... It's the feeling that I had when I first arrived Bristol... Aimless and emptiness... Last 3 weeks when I was so busy for assignments, I long for the arrival of 9th March... But now, after I handed in my last assignment, I have the sudden feel that I have nothing to do everyday...

Every morning, I woke up to attend classes as usual... After class, there will be nothing else in my head... Head back home without knowing what to do next... Cooked lunch... Staring at the laptop blankly... Signed in my MSN... Checked my inbox... Checked my blogs... Checked my Facebook, Friendster, Plurk... Read The Star... Read blogs... Whatever that can be done will take the most 3 hours of my time... What's next??? NOTHING BUT BOREDOM... I hate hate hate hate this kind of feeling...

True... For the time being, I am having no direction... Maybe people will be suggesting why don't I start on my revision... But please, I need a break from all these for a while... How I wish for a call from pa... How I wish for a nagging from mummy... How I wish for being bullied by my sisters... How I wish for being asked thousand and one questions from wai po... How I wish of listening to the same things over and over again from wai gong...

How I wish for some comfort and words of encouragement in a positive way... Torturing me but in the end, it's said for my own good... Even if I have to go through the same feeling back in Malaysia, I am sure things will be way better back there... At the very least, no matter what happen, my comfort zone is still there...

On the other hand, I seem to deserve everything on Earth besides the love from someone special... I have wai gong, wai po, pa, mummy, da jie, han, mek and wei who love me so much... I have a whole group of friends who love me a lot as well... But how come you have to destroy it when I thought I have found another person to love me... Is is the time for me to stop being so persistent for a moment in exchange of my happiness??? By the way, those things that I predicted few posts back has all been realised...

Another tearful post... The feeling just came when I am typing this post... Out of control again... Sorry... Ignore me... This post is not organised at all... The points are not linked and everywhere... This is how messy my memory capacity now... Imagine an overloaded brain with an empty heart... What is the feeling??? Can I call back home and cry??? Sometimes I wish but there is no way I am going to let this happen because everyone will be so worried about me... I lost the someone whom I can cry in front of as and when I like it...

2009-03-10T15:57:00.003+08:00

Yesterday my housemate, Echo was talking to me about one of her lectures that she attended... It's on "UTILITARIANISM"... It is an ethical theory proposed by Jeremy Bentham and James Mill that all action should be directed toward achieving the greatest happiness for the greatest number of people... Then there is this real life story told by her lecturer... A young man was told by his dad's doctor that his dad wass diagnosed with a terminal disease and there are currently no treatment available... The doctor leave it up to the family to decide whether the dad should be made known the news or not... Given the understanding he had towards his dad, he is pretty sure that his dad will not be able to take it... Hence, he decided not to let his dad know about it... One day, the son had a chance to drop some hints to his dad... He asked his dad," If the report is out, would you want to know the results?"... His dad said no... And at the point of time, the son knew that he had made the right decision... At the very least, his dad lived happily throughout the last phase of his life...

Is this utilitarianism??? Do we really have to lie sometime to make others happy??? And is this the reason white lie can be told without guilt??? Just because it is a lie for good cause... I am so confused... Who on earth come up with white lie??? But what if one day the lie is being found out, that does not make the person any happier??? Or we should still think of the intention the liar had in the first place that he/she is meant to make you happier by lying to you??? Simply because it is a WHITE LIE!!!

2009-03-06T05:48:00.002+08:00

Hello... Do me a very simple favour, pleaseeeeeeeeee... =D

Answer this question of mine honestly...
You don't have to give me face... No worries...

AM I STUBBORN???
If yes, to what extent and in what way???
Please leave your answer in the chat box...

Please please please... I need an answer to this as I have been condemned to be the most stubborn girl lately... Thanks a lot... Your answer will be deeply appreciated... Muackssss...

2009-03-03T01:45:00.004+08:00

When I thought I am the unluckiest person to encounter all these shitty craps, I realised that I am far far far more fortunate than many many people in every corner of the Earth... Others have worse problem than me... Others are being deprived of the chance they have to let out another breath... Yet I have the chance to wake up every morning... Others are deprived of the chance to have a decent meal... Yet I have the chance to have complete three meals in a day... Others are deprived of a roof on top of their head... Yet I not only have a roof but a comfortable bed... Others are living all by themselves without knowing what is love... Yet I have such a big family who showers me with unconditional love all the time...

I have been letting so many people down for the past two weeks... Those who always stood by me no matter what... Never ever at any point feel like giving up on me... When the whole world seems to be turning their back against me, you guys made me feel as though I am the brightest star... Giving me unlimited support and strength to move on... THANKS A MILLION... Muackssss....

Even if the worst happens, it's not the end of the world yet... Trust me... I will be able to stand on my feet... I just need some time to cry my hearts out... Just like this time, after crying for two days, everything is fine now... I might not be in the best of mood now but I am smiling while typing this post... Michelle, I know you are very very worried about me... But I am really fine now... Remember the three girls on our Since 1987 shirt??? See no evil, Hear no evil and Speak no evil... Hahaha... As long as I can apply that, I can assure you that I will be smiling everyday...

Hanging on and holding on till the day I explode... Hahaha... Become the animal and embrace the other side" (Calvin, 2009)... On a random note, I read somewhere in my cousin's blog that when one day it has reached to a point when you don't feel anything at all, it is still a feeling afterall... How true is that... =D

2009-03-01T02:28:00.002+08:00

Free hugs, anyone???

Free kisses, anyone???

That's not totally free... I need something in exchange...

A shoulder for me to cry on...

A pair of hands to hold me tight...

This sounds reasonable, right??? This is how barter system used to work... Anyone interested to trade with me, kindly approach me... Unlimited amount of transactions... But in desperate need now... So please act fast... Thank you... Muackssss.... =D

2009-02-28T18:27:00.006+08:00

IT'S A STORY...

贪心鬼

小气鬼...

HOT CHOCOLATE

SHOOTING STAR...

300 PAPER HEARTS

GREETING CARDS...

IT USED TO BE A NEVER ENDING STORY... BUT IT ALMOST COME TO AN END... IT'S GOING TO BE AN ILLUSION SOON... EVERY GOOD THING COMES TO AN END, LET ALONE THIS WHICH IS TOO MUCH OF A FAIRY TALE... =D

2009-02-28T18:11:00.004+08:00

"Shi Hui has been building castle in the air..." =D

2009-02-27T20:00:00.003+08:00

Obviously I have OVERRATED you from the beginning till now... I put too much hope in you that I end myself in great disappointment at this point of time... My heart aches to the extent that I don't feel anything except for the pain... I am glad that I still have those girls to listen to me... Thanks Yi Ling and Michelle... I am glad I have tonnes of assignments to keep myself drop dead tired...

If this is the so-called training you are referring to, I am still trying very hard to adapt to it... If this is the so-called love and concern that I am going to receive from now onwards, I can tell you I can't take it... If this is the so-called the same old you, I can tell you it's BULLSHIT... If this is the so-called perfect dear, I can tell you that even a normal friend can treat me better than you now... Somehow you gave me a feeling of 有心无力... Correct me if I am wrong again... I allow you a chance to defend yourself...

No matter what I said, it has turned into me being calculative... Fine... I won't complain anymore, I won't demand anymore because I need to be understanding and considerate... Please have some mercy on me because I need someone to understand me as well...

Afterall, I am just too disappointed in myself this time...

2009-02-25T17:36:00.003+08:00

I am missing the someone whom I claimed to understand me more than myself... I am pining for the someone whom I claimed to be one of the most wonderful person on earth... I am searching for the someone whom I myself feel so comfortable to talk to... I am looking high and low for the someone whom I regard as my pillar of strength... I am awaiting for the return of the someone whom I can be my own self when I am in front of him... I am loving the someone whom can make me feel like I am the happiest girl on earth... The someone is none other than XQG...

I miss him a lot a lot a lot... He claimed he's still the same person I used to know but somehow I can't find the feelings at all... Everything seems so unconvincing to me... Everything is unfavourable to me now... I am obviously at the disadvantage and losing end... I used to think that it's "Us against the world, You and me against them all" but it no longer applies now... It's "Me against the world" all by myself... Who is deluding who???

No one has let me down... Only I let myself down... I allow myself to be insulted and resulted in others overcrossing my border... As the saying goes, being magnanimous to other means being cruel to your own self... I finally understand the meaning... Taking a big step backward is almost equivalent to me raising my white flag... I allow others to climb on top of my head... Plainly because of my naive and stupid thinking that if I respect others, I'll be respected by others in turn... But this is not the case... I was totally being insulted... I don't even feel a tinge of being respected... Not even a tiny bit...

What do I get for holding on??? I was made a fool... I was blamed for everything... I was made the biggest joke of the year... That's life, I presume... No one can have the best of everything... Another question arises, is everyone worth being given a second chance???

Sweet talk is just like sugar... Too much intake will lead to diabetes... Please watch the consumption of your sugar intake... Cheers... =D

2009-02-24T03:38:00.008+08:00

It is something which is totally wrong theoretically but just because of my unfulfilled responsibilities, it somehow seems so right... I am not supposed to get angry... I am not supposed to have any reaction... But this is just the right feeling because at the point of time, I am numb... No feeling at all except unlimited tears keep rolling down my cheeks... I am speechless... I have nothing to defend myself...

The hands which were supposed to embrace me do not belong to me alone... What will be the next thing I will be robbed off??? The feelings that I can't give right now sooner or later will also be substituted... The phrase which used to belong to me alone will no longer belong to me alone anymore... I have been robbed off one thing after another...

"Talking to me makes you tired.."

"She gave you the feelings that you yearn for..."

These two sentences are enough to make my heart stops beating... The incident that I dreaded so so so much has finally happened... Luckily it's part of it... But will there be part 2??? I seriously hope that's the finale... Sorry... No more reserve on this post... I am f*ckingly pissed off now because I seem to be made a fool again...

You know what is the consequences of lying to me... I have stated my stand very clearly long long ago... It is slipping through my finger again... Lost grip of it not because I want it to but because you choose to... I can shoulder all the blames but are you sure your conscience will be clear??? After all, it's A PACK OF LIES from the beginning!!!! Only a fool will be taken on a ride over and over again... And YES, I AM THE GREATEST FOOL IN THE UNIVERSE!!!

"Can't believe that I am a fool again... I thought this love will never end... How I was to know... You never told me... " Everyone knows very sure what song is this... Hahaha... It is finally applicable to me... Very very soon I think... :D:D:D

Don't worry, guys... It's still within my acceptable boundary... Will be fine... Don't probe... Just apply whatever imagination you all have... Cheers... :P

2009-02-23T17:04:00.003+08:00

Hellloooo... I am back from Dublin... Nice place... Nice food... Nice beer... "Nice" weather... Hahaha... It's even colder than Bristol... Will update the trip in Blur Life...

I have something that pissed me off so much that I seriously need to rant rant rant... This time I mean it when I said, she better "go to hell"... This time I won't be so magnanimous as to call her "that girl"... She's an utterly damn bloody annoying wicked irritating B*TCH!!!!! How I wish I can add in the F word... But I still have some reservation on my language used in my blog... WTH is the maximum...

Never in my life I will call people b*tch and never in my life I will hate a girl to this extent... She is simply an exception not because she is special but she is simply too annoying to me... I hate her to the core... I hate her to the maximum... I can't stand even listening to what she has done... I can't even imagine seeing her for a milisecond... This is when I have no idea how she looks like... Imagine what will happen if I can recognize her??? She'll turn into a voodoo doll I guess... Being pricked needles by me...

Don't appear in front of me when I am back in Malaysia... Find yourself a hole and bury your head inside... Stop pissing me off although I know you can do certain things that I can't do now... But all I can say is you are totally CHEAP...

2009-02-19T05:26:00.001+08:00

2009-02-18T05:56:00.005+08:00

SICK... TIRED... FED UP... ANNOYED... IRRITATED... AMUSED...

Not going to repeat myself anymore... This will be the last time... Fine... If you don't feel appreciative... Fine... Even if you don't wish to have me in your mind... As long as your conscience is clear, I have nothing to say... I can't possibly force you to miss me if that is not your intention... There won't be any happiness... No worries... I still miss you a lot...

Do whatever you like... Miss whoever you like... I have said whatever I could... I have done whatever I can think of... Yet, I am still not being appreciated... Everything seems to be my fault... It's ok... I still can take it in my stride... It's no big deal... I don't lose anything by shouldering the blame... As long as you are happy... But please don't build your happiness on other people's sadness... This is so cruel...

Sometimes, I do hope you really pop into my blog and have a look... Anyway, when the time you remember my blog, maybe it will be a day when I am really exhausted... :D

面子真的比说出真心话难吗??? 难道我难过你最开心???

你还不是一个口是心非的家伙!!! AMITABHA... GOD BLESS... :D

2009-02-17T09:13:00.005+08:00

I am too imperfect to the extent that nothing else can be done to make me better... It will only end up making things worse... My stubborn stays still, not even have the idea of taking a step backward... My temper remains, not even have the thought of hiding for a moment... My insatiable demand is driving myself nuts... Loneliness and emptiness seems to know me by my name... Haunting and pestering me non-stop...

If one day the volcano erupts, that will be the end of everything... What a disastrous event... People lost their home, their belongings and most importantly their loved ones... The happiness that one used to have will be gone forever... Nothing can bring back those life... Nothing can be done to salvage everything... How pathetic it will be...

If one day I am left on my own, will I myself be the cause of everything??? No other people should be blamed??? Just because I am too stubborn, demanding, unreasonable and not understanding??? How come I am never happy??? How come I can't see things the way I used to??? How come a promise is only valid when the situation permits??? How come even a promise has validity period??? Where can I find promise with double assurance and unlimited validity period???

If one day I am the one who left to be on my own, will I myself be the cause of everything again??? Holding on because I can't let go??? Holding on because I have sunk too deep??? Holding on because I don't wish to start from the starting point again??? Holding on to the belief you and I can achieve everything... Is that possible??? Or is that impossible??? If I were posed this question one month ago, without any doubt and hesitation, I can tell u, of course IT IS POSSIBLE... But now... I need to pause and think about it...

Just ignore this random post of mine and don't probe... Since I created the whole mess, let me clear it up all by myself... It will be back to square one... I promise... I won't let the mess takes control over me... NEVER!!!

能不能不爱了??? 因为爱太痛了... 我痛得快死了... 却不能把你忘了... (extracted from Kenji's new song, 爱太痛)...

2009-02-15T00:17:00.003+08:00

What a Valentine's... Boring and lonely... Forget about it... No special occasion is worth me being excited anyway... Not Christmas, not Chinese New Year, not Valentine's... Laughter dominates those occasion for most people but mine is sadly dominated by tears... I am just having nothing better to do than expecting something that will never happen!!! Shi Hui, wake up... Assignments due on 2nd and 9th March!!! That will be your priority now...

I hate having special occasion... I hate myself for not being able to take everyday as normal as it can be... So what it's Valentine's, whose birthday, or whatsoever... I should not give a damn on it... Sucky life still goes on for me... Putting too much hope and expecting too much from those occasion will only end myself in disappointment and indulging in a "tableful" of tears... What's the point???

I simply don't understand how one could go on a holiday without picking up calls and replying smses... Does replying a sms take a lot of your time??? Does talking to me spoil your mood??? I only need 3minutes out of your precious time... Shi Hui, you are not not supposed to cry over this... Please hold back those tears... I seriously need to get out of this mess before the mess takes control of me... Missing someone to this extent is simply pathetic... Damn it... Somehow I suddenly cannot differentiate not being able to talk to you and you ignoring me... It's the same, right???

Sometimes I really don't see the point of missing someone so much... Does the person you are missing is missing you as much as you miss him/her??? 诗卉, 为什么你越爱越可悲, 越爱越难过, 越爱越寂寞??? 难道他所谓的学习就是让你比任何人都还要坚强但寂寞吗???

2009-02-14T01:38:00.003+08:00

Oh my god... I miss him like crazy now... How am I going to survive on Saturday??? God, please save me... I have the urge to skip Saturday because I know it will be a torturing day for me...

Seeing the phone but not being able to do anything... I can't call... I can't text... Not because I have run out of credit but because I had already promised not to disturb him... The last time I heard his voice was only 4 hours ago and now I want to listen to his voice again... Sigh...

好辛苦!!! 好辛苦!!! 好辛苦!!! 好辛苦!!! 怎么办??? :(:(:(

By the way, Happy Valentine's Day... :D

2009-02-13T21:17:00.003+08:00

Hahahaha... It has been quite some time since I last start a post in this way... Haha... Guess what... I RECEIVED MY VALENTINE'S CARD FROM MY 小气鬼!!! TODAY!!! YES, IT'S TODAY!!! Initially I thought that it will be a belated valentine's card as dear sent it out super late... I was still grumbling that he got no heart... Who knows the postman loves him so much... Delivered the card to me just on time... No excuse to find fault on him...

Although it's a card that I request before receiving, at the very least, I got the card... Simply over the moon... Was quite depressed in the morning since I knew that there will be two days that I can't talk to him... Can't call him as and when I like because he's on holiday... The card made my day... Thanks a lot, dear... *hugs*... Muackssss... :D:D:D

2009-02-12T22:23:00.002+08:00

我需要有人肯定我做的每一件事!!! 不关是在做什么我都用我最真的心... 最不喜欢你讲我没有心... 要怎样做才叫有心??? 难道要等我一天什么都不做的时候才最用心吗???

每一张卡, 每一个字都需要时间, 心思去写... 只希望你可以让我觉得你有感受到我要传达的信息... 不是你的一句"没有心"... 因为不能陪你过很多很多节日所以每一次的卡都从不迟到... 对你的想念... 对你的祝福... 都想让你知道... 做了这样多换来的一句"没有心"还真的让我累了...

是不是应该什么都不用做呢???

2009-02-11T01:38:00.003+08:00

More and more in the list... Nothing can shaken my stand this time... No matter what, must stay alert at all times... Plan A has to be carried out immediately... No more delaying... Time is everything now... A small mistake might cause me to regret my whole life... Tears are not even supposed to roll down now...

Getting more and more used to this kind of situation... Just that I was not mentally prepared at all the previous time... Just now out of control but luckily managed to calm myself down... Hmmm... What's for Plan B then??? Suggestions please, thank you... For more details, please approach me directly... It's not appropriate to disclose here...

Kill the jealousy in me... Kill the over-worrying in me... Kill the low self-esteem in me... I have to hang on till the end... White flag, get out of my sight... You won't be of any use this time... No matter what happened, 小气鬼还是我,贪心鬼的DEAR... Everything remains unchanged just that a few people are trying to become the crowd... What to do... They don't understand that "two a couple, three a crowd, four, five and six are even worse"...

On the other hand, sometimes I wonder will our effort be really paid off... Does the person that we are putting in effort feel it??? What if ended up we are being taken for granted and not appreciated??? Does that mean we still have to smile at the whole world and said, "I have put in my very best effort"??? People always say that no matter what the outcome is, there is no use regretting as long as you put in your best... Does that applicable in real life???

2009-02-09T05:02:00.003+08:00

I came to realise that I didnt't lose anything at all... Everything which belongs to me are still mine... Everyone whom I care and love dearly are still being cared and loved by me... My heart was just being shadowed by the devil in me... I was looking things from a devilish perspective that made me couldn't think rationally and logically... It feels great to be angelic once in a while...

How many times I was pissed off over the same matter and the same person??? How many times have I lose my temper over the same matter and the same person??? How many times did he raise his voice at me over the same matter and same person??? How many litres of tears have been wasted over the same matter and the same person??? Everything seems so not worth it...

What a shame... An accounting student actually made such a blunder... Costs vs benefits??? Wasting too much resources on something that is of no benefit to a firm is to be rejected... Never undertake a project which will cause the firm to suffer a loss (negative NPV)...

Porter's Five Forces Model??? Unexpected situations do occur within a firm or an industry right??? Competition is needed for a firm to strive harder to gain competitive advantage... New products or marketing strategy is needed once in a while... Marriage is not a monopoly, let alone being in a relationship... I would classify them as oligopoly... :D:D:D

2009-02-08T06:15:00.003+08:00

Hmmm... Dear told me something about that b*tch... This will be the last time I am calling her in that way... Let's refer her as that girl from now on... Dear told me something about that girl that made me quite sympathise with her condition... Although part of me still doesn't like everything she has done but part of my heart felt out for her... Being the same age as us, she is going to become a single mum... Her husband, who is soon going to be her ex-husband is on drugs and refused to sign the divorce paper and even threatened to snatch her daughter away...

She needed someone to talk to, to listen to, to support her at this point of the time... It turned out that the person is dear... If she were to lose dear as a friend, she might really collapse... For those who know the whole story, I actually allow dear to remain as friends with her... If 小气鬼were to do something behind my back, he wouldn't be telling me that much, right??? No doubt this is the most critical point of time for me and the best chance for him to betray me as that girl has fallen head over heels on him... But I still believe that my dear will always be my dear... If our love will not be able to withstand this, I am sure this relationship will not be able to work out anymore... Let time prove everything...

As for that girl, please don't let me feel insulted or whatsoever... I have taken a big step backward... I wish you all the best in your future life... Take care...

2009-02-07T05:18:00.007+08:00

Another complaint lodged by my daughter, Michelle saying that my Blur Nag is too solemn... Haha... Okok... Complaint being taken into account... No more sad post for the time being... Snow made my day... Not going to mention about that b*tch anymore although she still pisses me off... But too many posts on her will make it as if I really prioritise her that much... She is not worth any space in my blog yet... Bluek...

Valentine's Day in one week time... Is everyone prepared??? Hehe... I have sent out everything that I am supposed to send one week ago... Considered mission accomplished for this occasion... Recipients, kindly check your mailbox... Thank you... :D:D:D

And of course I do request for something from XQG... I desperately need a card sent by him from Malaysia... He did promise to send me one but ended up being said that I am 小孩子... Couldn't care that much... As long as I got my card... Hahaha... Now awaiting for my Valentine's card...

GIRLS and BOYS out there... This is for our friendship on Valentine's Day... Thanks for being there for me all the time... Sharing my tears and laughters... Love you guys so much...

One day Friendship and Love met one another

Love asked Friendship,

"Why do you exist if I'm there?"

So Friendship said,

"To give a smile to those eyes in which you leave tears..."

A special LUNCH 4 u,

In the hotel of my Heart,

A bowl of love,

A spoon of care,

In the pot of Happiness,

Dish is friendship,

Pay the bill

by MISSING Me….

This is for my DEAR... Hope you are reading this... :)

Just had an x-ray taken.

Guess what they found?

It was U safely stucked in my heart.

They said my heart is fine with U in it.

Remove U and I’m DEAD!

Heart is not a dustbin to dump all the worries of your life,

It is a golden pot for collecting the sweet moments of your life

This is for Pa, Mummy, Da Jie, Han, Mek and Wei... Miss you and love you all bits and pieces... :D:D:D

On Valentine’s Day,

I’m thinking about

the special ways

you have made my life better.

The little things,

the not-so-little things…

Your kindness,

the way you always listen

and pay attention to me.

You make my world

brighter and richer.

You’re a gift to me,

and I thank you

for being you.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I am simply in the mood for this occasion now... Because when I am in a good mood, everyday seems to be Valentine's... Take care and miss ya guys a lot a lot... Muacksss... :D:D:D Cheers...

1 Lovely quote:

We always love our love because

our love always loves

what we love to love &

your love loves the way

you love your love.

so keep loving... :D:D:D

2009-02-04T07:24:00.004+08:00

WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW???!!!

Shi Hui was thrown with a pile of words and be left to make decision on her own...
Shi Hui has never been treated in this manner before...
Shi Hui will not have to hang on to something that makes her feeling so terrible...
Shi Hui's belongings will always belong to her... No one can snatch anything away from her unless she gives it up herself...
Shi Hui is so used to her comfort zone that she can hardly survive now under normal condition...

You tamed me... After that, you expect me to hunt for my own food... Isn't this contrasting??? Can't things stay the same forever??? Why must you rule out my theory that happiness is short lived??? At the very least, mine is always that case...

心中有太多太多说不出的苦... 有谁知道... 有谁明白... 有谁了解... 谁愿意听我说？？？　

下雪了, 我是很开心... 之后呢??? 雪熔化了, 还是我们常见的水...

Not forgetting to mention that I met with a damn bloody freaking mad annoying b*tch... I am so pissed off with her....

2009-02-04T04:22:00.006+08:00

How come all these people just can't leave me alone??? Do u all remember the post on "I hate you"??? It's the same person... In fact, I can say it's the funniest joke on earth which at the same time made me hate her even more...

She asked XQG to negotiate with me is there any way for me to share XQG with her... Hahahaha and what the hell at the same time... Fat hope... One can have the answer without even thinking using your brain... Your knee can help you do the thinking... She's so damn bloody freaking mad annoying girl... I wanted so so so much to scold her b****... I guess she never used her brain when talking... Parents are shared among siblings... Friends are shared among friends... I do know of people who share their dear... But those are mad people and obviously I am not one of them... And guess what... She made it sound so nice as if she's doing me a great noble favour... She wants to help me accompany XQG given the fact that I am not around... But no thank you...

She really can make my blood boils... If my blood vessels were to burst one day, the cause will definitely be her... I feel so much like smacking her... She's just like a fly... Flying around making people so uncomfortable... Sigh... How to get rid of this pest???

2009-02-02T04:06:00.004+08:00

As promised again, no more depressed post... The atmosphere in Blur Nag for the past one week is solemn enough... Worse than a funeral... *touchwood* Still in CNY mood... Cannot die die die... Oopssss... Sorry... As you guys know, no CNY in Bristol means no pantang... Hehe...

By the way, I AM PERFECTLY FINE!!! SERIOUS!!! Got over everything... Sorted out my own thinking... Everything is back to normal... January was a depressed month... According to my housemate, my room is full with yin (negative) forces... As a result, I bought an air freshener and hang it in my room now... It's so refreshing now... Full with yang (positive) forces...

I sent an email to dear yesterday and the day before... I read it again both of the emails after I sent out the last one and I myself had a shock... It's like written by two different people... The one sent out two days before was the normal me... But the one sent out last night left me puzzled... After that, I had the feeling that I might really suffer from nervous breakdown that I got so so so worried... I feel that I might collapse anytime... I know what I am doing but I really can't control my emotions... My action is being dominated by my emotions... It's really a feeling that I can't put into words... I guess Michelle had the most of it... She chatted with me almost everyday and she knows that I can be super low few hours ago and then super high after a few hours... Perfectly fine today and the next day emo again... Hahaha... My super high level of emo-ing... Sorry, Michelle... It must be hard on you to deal with my terrible mood swings... People... This is not a joke...

Then this afternoon, my housemate's friend's girlfriend was actually admitted to hospital few days ago due to stress and it leads to her suffering from nervous breakdown... Gosh... Nervous breakdown does really exist... No way I am going to force myself up to the wall and ended up suffering in the end and making those who loves me sad... I still want to go back to Malaysia... I want to meet everyone... Those who owe me hugs and kisses please be prepared... Those who owe me meals please get ready your money... Hehe...

Shi Hui, it's time to stand back on your own feet... No more 钻牛角尖了... It kills... The worst month I ever had in Bristol... I will make the most out of my last few months stay in Bristol... I want to have fond memories on this place... Thanks everyone for the support... Sorry to make everyone worried... Shi Hui is back in action!!!! :D:D:D

2009-02-01T02:43:00.006+08:00

Current condition : Emotionally very unstable
Worst condition : Nervous breakdown
Recommendation : Everything back to square one... 不要不要在钻牛角尖了...
*God bless her*

Everything changes... I seem to have been robbed of everything... Nothing more left... I used to think that I own everything... But now, I am struggling to search for what is left of me... It's two different extremes that I don't wish to accept the reality...

Can I voice out my dissatisfaction??? Can I have back all the privilege I used to own??? Can I have a second chance??? CAN I???!!! CAN I???!!! CAN I????!!!!! Your cruelty struck directly into my heart with no chance for me to shout in pain...

2009-01-30T19:07:00.003+08:00

I came to realise a few things...

The one closest to your heart no matter at what time and in what circumstances is always YOUR FAMILY...
Never take things so seriously... A promise is just a promise... Do not put so much hope into it until it is being fulfilled...
No one is worth being prioritised unless he/she has done something that can make you put him/her on your list...
One should live for him/herself and not for anyone else because no one is worth your sacrifice except for those who are responsible to bring you into this world...
Always have some benefit of doubt on EVERYTHING... Do not take everything at face value...

Shi Hui, get on with your life... Stop avoiding the reality... I know it's hard but it's not impossible... Nothing can bring you down...

2009-01-30T02:07:00.003+08:00

You told me that you won't let me feel that I am alone during CNY... Have you ever said it or I made a mistake again??? I am pretty sure you assured me that... I choose to believe you that at the very least I still have you... But then, the one who who accompanied me the least is YOU!!! The busiest person is YOU!!!

I AM FEELING LONELIER THAN BEFORE!!!

2009-01-28T22:43:00.003+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR... GONG XI FA CAI...

May this year will be a good year for everyone... I got this forwarded CNY sms from my sis... I will share it here...

Give you triple H in this CNY...
1st. Heng arrrr.... (Good luck)
2nd. Hock arrr... (Blissful)
3rd. Huat arrr... (Rich)

May this golden ox year brings all these wishes to you and your family...

I guess everyone hope for all these 3 H in their new year...

By the way, , I have gotten over everything from the previos posts... I am fine now... Thanks for the support and advice... :D:D:D

Happy Chinese Niu Year!!! :P

2009-01-27T09:25:00.004+08:00

You are the one who let me know how heaven feels like... Please please please don't send me to hell...

2009-01-27T08:58:00.006+08:00

Everything wasn't like that previously... It has changed into a situation that I myself find it so unfamiliar... Having difficulty to adapt to it... I have no idea when you are showering me with lots of love, care and concern and at the same time anticipating when are you going to lose my temper at me again... What's the real problem??? Communication problem??? Unresolved internal conflicts that none of us wish to mention it...

Yesterday's disappointment is due to my complicated mindset... I think too much and being too calculative in everything... Sorry... I can no longer be so truthful in front of you anymore... Every single truth that I said is only me being unreasonable at the end of the day... Since you no longer understand what is in my mind, I have the right to keep my own feelings to myself...

I really have to revert to my old simple thinking... Not to harbour much thought... Love aint a perfect picture at all... If you look clearer, there are still flaws all over... It was my mistake to have the thought that it is flawless... I am wrong again... How many times have I gone wrong??? Countless it seems... Blame it on my stupidity... Blame it on me being too trusting again...

But I really wanted to know, "How come this time you don't seem to understand my feeling at all???" I thought you are so sensitive... Can't you sense that I am not fine at all??? Can't you sense that I am not happy at all??? Can't you sense that I am suffering in silence because this time around, nobody bothers about me... The more I cry, the more I get angry, the more unreasonable I am in your eyes... How come you never understand me at this moment when I needed someone really really badly??? Why did I think so much??? I have so many uncertainties now...

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE UNDERSTAND MY FEELING AT THIS MOMENT???

You promised me that I won't feel lonely on CNY... Yet, I have been crying alone since CNY eve... Promise is merely a simple sentence plus the word "I promise"... Indeed I have the most memorable and invaluable CNY in Bristol... Never ever will I forget this CNY...

Shi Hui, I think you can really wake up from your dream... Fairy tales do not exist in real life...

2009-01-26T08:49:00.006+08:00

"HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, SHI HUI... :D:D:D"

It's just 5 minutes past 12am in Bristol and tears are flooding my table again... It's the first day of Chinese New Year in Bristol... I have finally managed to pacify myself that this is the way it should be.. Trying my very best to make do with whatever I have here to have the feel of Chinese New Year... And with the very very naive, silly and STUPID thought of wanting dear to be the first from Malaysia to wish me Happy CNY according to the UK time... But I have no idea of what is he rushing with that made him does not even have one minute to spare for me... Each and every disappointment, I can take it in my own stride... But this time around, I am really really disappointed... Am I being demanding and unreasonable again??? I think I am again...

I always thought you are the one who can accommodate me all the time, who understand me in every single situation, who know what is exactly in my mind... BUT I SEEM TO BE TOTALLY WRONG AGAIN!!! Can someone tell me what is really right and what is really wrong??? Don't make me clueless all the time... Things have been so so wrong lately... I hate this feeling... The feeling of not being understood... The feeling of not being appreciated anymore... Enough is enough... I will have to make do with whatever is given to me again... The feeling of falling down from the moon is really painful... Maybe it's because I have been over the moon for quite some time...

If you were to treat me in this way now, why bother treating me like princess before this??? It causes me more pain and effort to revert back to normal life... Being treated at two different extremes by the same person HURTS...

I MISS PA, MUMMY, JIE, HAN, MEK AND WEI!!! I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!! At the very least, everyone back home will spare some time listening to me no matter how meaningless my speeches are going to be... I JUST REQUEST TO BE HEARD OF...

2009-01-25T07:01:00.003+08:00

I HATE YOU!!!

You are such a crap that has been interrupting and disturbing people's life... Get on with your life and stop pestering and disturbing others... Don't you have a daughter to take care of??? Stop thinking about coming to Muar or having holidays in Genting... No one will ever ever entertain you and there's no place for you to stay overnight... Stop hoping that there's someone who will miss you... You are not even in the queue... He's merely your FRIEND... Or should I stress VERY VERY VERY NORMAL FRIEND??? He has no obligations towards you... Not now, not even in future... You better make yourself scarce as soon as possible... I don't want to know of your existence when I am back in Malaysia!!!

I HATE YOU!!!

2009-01-24T22:12:00.002+08:00

I am not in the mood for anything... Assignments, presentations and even CNY... I am numb... I am defeated again by pressure... It's the worst hit ever this time around... Even I find myself amusing, ridiculous, unreasonable, irrational and out of control... What is flowing in my mind is not what I want it to be in my head... I caused so much trouble, suffering and agony to myself and worst of all those people who love me... Isn's that funny???

Shi Hui, I really despise you this time... Sorry everyone... I broke my promise that there won't be any sad post... But time and situation do not permit me to keep my promise this time... I tried so much so much but I failed miserably in certain things... I put in so much effort but then the results is not what I desired... Does that mean I have to put in extra effort??? Or everything will be fine if I behave the way I should behave??? I would prefer the latter...

2009-01-24T08:40:00.006+08:00

Am I on the verge of depression??? If I am not mistaken, I have been crying almost everyday for the past two weeks... On average, once a day or sometimes even twice a day... Tears have become uncontrollable or even free flow... It rolls down without signal...

I know it's due to the pressure from test, presentations and assignment deadlines... With all these clashing with my CNY mood, I am really not in the mood at all... My first CNY without family is celebrated in such a pathetic way... Even I sympathise myself now... I am feeling really homesick now... I can sacrifice my 13 hours but there's no way that I can reach Malaysia... The feeling is really terrible... This is so unlike me... I won't be anticipating CNY with teary eyes... I am always the very very excited one when it comes to CNY... But CNY in Bristol??? Never ever going to happen in my life for the second time... Once is more than enough for me...

I have been brushing off the thought that I am not homesick at all... But again I am wrong... The more I choose to ignore the feeling, the more I can't take it... I have been telling myself times and times again that I am mentally prepared to have CNY without family members around before I came here... Isn't that the case??? Yes, it is... But as CNY is really approaching, there is no way to pacify me anymore... Even I myself run out of ideas and excuses to deceive myself... Only hippo will be with me during lonely nights...

I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!! I MISS GONG, WAI PO, PA, MUMMY, DA JIE, HAN, MEK, WEI AND DEAR!!! I MISS MICHELLE, BOO, CHEW, CHARELI, CHIAU WEI, YI LING, MAY JOAN, HWEE LE, AI RIN, EE THENG, MICHELLE LEE, VI VIAN, EUNICE, KAREN, CI PEI, CHAN AND PHYLIS!!! I MISS CALVIN, WEE MENG, DANIEL, WILLIAM AND WENG KIEN!!!

2009-01-20T08:16:00.003+08:00

Guess what... This is the 100th post in Blur Nag... Woohoo... Worth celebrating... It strengthens a point that Shi Hui can really nag... Hahahaha... Or else this blog will not be named Blur Nag... The name tells everything... Happy 100th Post... Hehe... Enough of that... I have something to nag about...

How different girls can differ in their thinking... One of my friends told me this yesterday... As sweet and simple as this...

"我只希望能找到一个我爱他，他也爱我的人..."

She added on by saying...

"I never thought of where should I be or stay?"

Owhhh... How sweet the feeling is... She must be deeply in love with the guy she is now... Indeed she made me ponder on my so-called dreams for a moment... She made me question on my priorities in life... She made me question on what do I really want and need...

She has really grown up... With those naive, simple and innocent thoughts, she is more than contented with what she has now... Simple is indeed a happiness by itself... I learnt that yesterday... :D:D:D

"不要一直在钻牛角尖，听听自己内心深处的声音
如果自己真的有努力过、争取过就算是失败也不用后悔"

Listen to the voice of your heart... Don't let it be unheard... Cheers...

2009-01-17T09:08:00.002+08:00

Gosh... Oh no... Hunter is missing!!!! Someone actually abducted it from dear's house... Poor dear... Poor Hunter... Hopefully she is safe and sound... It will be even better if she will be able to come back again... :(:(:(

HUNTER, WHERE ARE YOU???!!!

2009-01-16T05:45:00.004+08:00

I received a comment from Ai Rin today saying those recent posts in Blur Nag does not sound nice at all... I admit that it was because so many things happened lately... There were more tears than laughter... Bad things happen one after another... When I just managed to convince myself over this matter, another matter happened... I seriously have no idea what is wrong... Must be the fengshui problem... Hahaha...

Things are not as perfect as you guys perceive it to be... I might be indulging in my pool of honey but no doubt there were some minor disagreement between 小气鬼 and I... There are times when he pissed me off... There are times when I raise my voice at him... Hahaha... Guess that's part and parcel of life... No overnight hatred what... Everything's fine now... :P

No more sad posts for the time being... Promise... By the way, my Blur Nag will be having its 100th post soon... Kindly check it out... The 100th post will be up anytime... Woohoo...

Well... Let me introduce my Dear to everyone... My new companion in Bristol... The first toy I bought for myself in my life... Hahaha...

Name : Dear

Sex : Male

My new hippo that I bought while buying groceries today at Sainsbury's... Cute enough??? Innocent enough??? I am falling in love with him at this moment... Wakaka...

2009-01-14T04:00:00.003+08:00

Third blog post of the day... I am mad... Wakaka... Must be due to the absence of me in Blogger for the past few days that made me so enthusiastic on updating my blog today... I am simply in the best of mood... The kind of feelings that can made me smile alone for no apparent reason... Don't laugh... This is the feeling of happiness from the bottom of my heart...

Although there are some hiccups today, great things far far outweigh the bad things... Afterall, the bad things weren't that bad either... Minor hiccup such as waking up 30minutes later than I am supposed to and forgetting my keys... Luckily the alarm that I set is actually way too early... 30minutes late is not that bad still... Blur syndrome is acting up again??? NO WAY!!!

I am going to move to good things... Early in the morning, got to know dear's car loan has been approved... Woohoo... Even got the car plate number... Hopefully the whole episode is over... Awaiting the launching of the new episode... Hahaha... Then happily I went for the test... Test was so so... Talked to mummy... I am really looking forward to the content of my next parcel... Got grandma's shrimp sambal... The thought of it made me want to drool... Then then then... Posted out a card today... Hahaha... Met a good guy today who gave me a box at the post office when I have already plan to buy one... Save me a few pounds...

Wait... I start to wonder what is the root of my today's happiness??? This is so unlike me... I have not been so happy for quite some time... Anyway, I'm loving this feeling right now... :D:D:D

2009-01-11T19:51:00.003+08:00

Why??? Why??? Why??? Things are not as smoothly as I thought it will be... How much more do you have to endure before good things really come to you??? In less than a month time, mishap befalls you one after another...

I hate to be one of the last one to know whenever things happened... I hate to know something happened to you... So please please please don't let anything happen to you anymore... I have no idea how much more I can take... I might have heart attack because of you one day... Unexpected things can really happen when you least expect it...

I really have to believe everything you said... You used to tell me that many many things can happen in a year time... I chose to rule it out and believe that everything will remain the same when I am back after a year... But time proves to me that I am wrong again... In only 4 months time, so many things happened... Or should I say so many things can happen in 3 weeks time... What will happen next in the coming 6-7 months??? Can I ask for all the good things??? Please...